Out of my Mind

Let's Face the Music and Dance

2012-01-14T23:19:00.003-02:00

“In mature love, we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don’t blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods.”
— Christine Meinecke, author of Everybody Marries the Wrong Person

First post of the year! And although this is not my favorite subject to approach here at the blog, I do agree with Ms. Christine Meinecke. You have to be really aware of what your expectations are, and of what reality really is, when in a relationship, in order for it to work. And that means, your partner should be on the same page as well. And do not read this as pessimism from my part, but for two people who are on that same level of personal understanding to meet, fall in love and have a relationship is something extremely rare. I guess most of the time we are really just looking for that and having relationships with people who aren't really right for us. But the point is that we keep trying. And trying is also very fun and worthwhile ;) Either it works or not, we are in no way wasting time.
And just because a relationship isn't right, it doesn't mean the love wasn't real.

So, with that on mind, let's (I know I am) celebrate past relationships, be thankful that we were wise enough to get past them, and look forward to our next findings... and may all of you find what you're looking for ;)

Have a great 2012, enjoy it, live it, be happy.

Time Never Waits

2011-12-17T23:44:00.003-02:00

Porque 2011 está quase chegando ao fim. Porque esse ano mudou a minha vida para sempre.

Sempre faço uma retrospectiva do ano que passou aqui no blog. Respondendo à perguntas simples, deixo registrado um pouco do que fiz, das coisas pelas quais passei, pelas quais lutei. O que consegui ou não.
Mas o que foi 2011? Foi surreal. Foi como 10 anos, foi como 10 segundos. Foi intolerável, foi extasiante. Foi tudo que eu sempre quis e tão oposto a tudo que eu sempre desejei. Descobri muito mais do que supunha que viria a descobrir. Fui embora, voltei. Vivi tanto. Viajei tanto. Estive em tantos lugares novos. Senti tanta saudade. Amei. Perdi. Descobri um amor maior ainda. Perdi ainda mais. Conquistei objetivos, segui meus sonhos, me decepcionei com todos eles. Não sucumbi, não desisti. Sacudi a poeira e avistei novos horizontes. Fui em busca deles.

Não direi se me arrependi ou não de algo ou de tudo. Eu vivi. Não importa o que aconteceu, aprendi e segui adiante.
Estou aqui, com uma nova vida, novos sonhos, carrego dentro de mim todo o amor que descobri, toda a felicidade que conheci. Vou em busca de mais.

2011 foi surpreendente em todas as formas possíveis, mudou minha vida, me fez crescer. Sou grata por tudo. E mal posso esperar por 2012 e tudo que ainda me surpreenderá nessa vida.

Deixo vocês com as respostas do meme de fim de ano aqui do blog, à titulo de curiosidade e (porque não?), tradição:

End of the Year Meme, the 2011 edition

1 - What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Traveled abroad.

2 - Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not sure I had a goal, but I sure did all I had planned to do back in 2010.

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Lininha!!!

4 - Did anyone close to you die?
No :)

5 - What countries did you visit?
USA

6 - What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Good health.

7 - What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory?
October 9th

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving and carrying on.

9 - What was your biggest failure?
In a way, communication.

10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?
Boy, did I ever...

11 - What was the best thing you bought?
My iPod! And makeup 0.0

12 - Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My mom's. She endured a lot.

13 - Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Some friends, but really, it's not as bad as the question makes it sound.

14 - Where did most of your money go?
Traveling and food.

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Love.

16 - What song/album will always remind you of 2011?
Adele's 21 album and "Down by the Water" by The Decemberists and "Windows Are Rolled Down" by Amos Lee.

17 - Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier

Thinner or fatter? Fatter (not much though)

Richer or poorer? Richer

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?
Had peace of mind.

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cared.

20 - How will you be spending Christmas?
I'll be home, close to my family and friends, there's nothing more I could wish for.

21 - Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Probably a tie between helen and Cole.

22 - Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes.

23 - What was your favourite TV programme?
Vampire Diaries.

25 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not at all.

26 - What was the best book(s) you read?
Read 3, "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice, "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by JSF and "One Day" by David Nicholls. I like them all the same, even though they are very different.

27 - What was your greatest musical discovery?
Kings of Convenience, Adele, Stateless.

28 - What did you want and get?
To travel, makeup, iPod.

29 - What did you want and not get?
My health back.

30 - What were your favourite films of this year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 2 and One Day.

31 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to Malloney's with 60% of the aupairs in Denver, and some friends, got slightly drunk and had some fun.

32 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Peace of mind.

33 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Simple, most of the time all I wanted was to be warm enough.

34 - What kept you sane?
My mom, my friends.

35 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ian Somerhalder ;)

36 - What political issue stirred you the most?
Belo Monte? I don't know, I didn't care much about politics this past year...

37 - Who did you miss?
Really, who didn't I miss? Everyone, so, so much.

38 - Who was the best new person you met?
Helen

39 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Things change without asking for you permission or giving you a warning sign. If you're lucky enough to have people standing by you when everything turns bad, hold on to them and never let go. Also, certain things won't wait for you to get your shit together and come back home, by the time you do, you'll aready have lost them. And you just have to deal with that.

40 - Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

"Look up, child
The world is born
Shoe's untied
And your soles are worn

Windows are rolled down
Sun is setting high
Windows are rolled down
I'm fixing to die

Corn rows have companion feel
This rocky road and this steering wheel
Who do you call to ease your pain?
I hope for you to get through this rain

Windows are rolled down
Moon is hanging low
Windows are rolled down
Think it's time for me to go, hey

Is it what you dreamed it'd be?
Are you locked up in this fantasy?
Oh, this miles that have torn us apart
My new found faith and my broken heart

Windows are rolled down
Sun is rising high
Windows are rolled down
Feel that wind rushing by, hey

Windows are rolled down"

-----------

:)

But Sometimes, You Get What You Need...

2011-12-12T12:49:00.000-02:00

Love is not love...

2011-12-11T23:23:00.002-02:00

Soneto 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

De almas sinceras a união sincera
Nada há que impeça. Amor não é amor
Se quando encontra obstáculos se altera
Ou se vacila ao mínimo temor.

Amor é um marco eterno, dominante,
Que encara a tempestade com bravura;
È astro que norteia a vela errante
Cujo valor se ignora, lá na altura.

Amor não teme o tempo, muito embora
Seu alfanje não poupe a mocidade;
Amor não se transforma de hora em hora,

Antes se afirma, para a eternidade.
Se isto é falso, e que é falso alguém provou,
Eu não sou poeta, e ninguém nunca amou.

What a shame, for I dearly love to laugh...

2011-11-20T23:43:00.004-02:00

Well... it seems it's too late now.

What a shame. To carry on supressing such beautiful feelings...

Acho que sou do tipo de pessoa que demora muito pra se tocar do que sente. Do tipo que vai gostando, pensando, se envolvendo e só se toca que ama quando muito tempo se passou. Geralmente até lá já se passaram as oportunidades também.

Daí fico com todo aquele sentimento bonito, todo aquele carinho dentro de mim e sem ter como demonstrar, sem ter como entregar, como dar, fazer sentir. Fica tudo sem razão de ser, tudo inútil, parado. Não tem como jogar fora, não tem como reciclar, só ocupa espaço e vai corroendo de leve por dentro, aos poucos. E dói, é claro. Tem que doer mesmo.

Mas não tem concerto. Não tem jeito. Tem que deixar doer e ir deixando de lado conforme for possível, ir em frente focando em todo o mais que não o sentimento...

Felizmente nisso sou boa. Deve ser a prática. Seria engraçado, não fosse trágico, mas é o que é. Sei deixar os sentimentos lá dentro e ir focando no resto todo. Sei ignorar os sentimentos até o dia em que vão parecer tão pequenos que mal vou prestar atenção à eles. Até o dia que outros sentimentos me pareçam tão ou maiores que. Pode acontecer. Já aconteceu.

Acho que a unica diferença dessa vez é a maturidade que antes não tinha. As coisas são vistas por outros olhos. Há mais possibilidades. Há o conhecimento de que outros braços, outros beijos, outros corpos podem ajudar a esquecer as vezes. As vezes também vão fazer a ferida abrir, mas com um pouco de tempo e insistência, ajudam sim. Sempre vai ter um outro alguém que despertará sentimentos de carinho e afeto em você. Não importa a intensidade deles, pouco já é suficiente.

Porque quando tudo está perdido mesmo, não é sábio ficar se ferindo ainda mais, se lamentando, se entristecendo, esquecendo de viver a vida. Não dá. Pelo menos não pra mim.

Vou esquecer de vez? Não, claro que não. Nem vou deixar de amar. Amor não tem fim. Mas vou viver e vou amar outras vezes. Não vou me impedir, não vou me privar.

_Nathalie Alves

Favor não "roubar" o texto, é pessoal. Se quiser copiar, dê o crédito pelo menos.

Just Like a Dream...

2011-11-06T22:55:00.007-02:00

This Installation by artist Regine Ramseier is composed by more than 2000 hand-picked dandelions. It looks like it came out of a dream. Beautiful!

And possibly I like the thrill

2011-11-03T00:25:00.001-02:00

Mom's a writer and now the world knows it as well...

2011-10-27T19:04:00.005-02:00

Sábado passado tivemos o lançamento do primeiro livro publicado pela minha mãe, Nancy Alves. O livro é um romance medieval, primeira parte de uma série de 5 volumes que relata a vida de cinco cavaleiros, amigos entre si. Esse primeiro volume, "Sir Robert - Contos Medievais" conta a história de Sir Robert de Guille, um homem impetuoso que segue apenas seus instintos, conhecido por seus inimigos e admiradores como "O Louco". Robert é igualmente intenso em tudo o que faz, em suas batalhas, amores, amizades e inimizades.

O lançamento foi ótimo! Uma tarde deliciosa entre amigos, familiares e alunos que vieram prestigiar o trabalho da minha mãe. Obviamente, eu mal cabia em mim de tanto orgulho :)

Quem se interessar pelo livro (é maravilhoso, não só segundo minha opinião de filha coruja, mas de todos que tem lido e comentado conosco), pode encontrá-lo no site da Livraria Cultura, clicando aqui.

Last Saturday we had the launching of my mom's first published book, "Sir Robert - Contos Medievais" It was such a pleasant afternoon, with friends, family and her students all coming to check out her work. This is just the first of many more books to come. I've read most of the books my mom wrote, and they are all bloody fantastic, there's no reason we shouldn't put them out there for the rest of the world to see. Sadly, the book has no other version than the Portuguese one right now, but maybe soon we can translate it to English :)

Quero te Dizer...

2011-10-23T22:55:00.001-02:00

Vem, meu menino vadio
Vem, sem mentir pra você
Vem, mas vem sem fantasia
Que da noite pro dia você não vai crescer
Vem, por favor não evites
Meu amor, meus convites
Minha dor, meus apelos
Vou te envolver os cabelos
Vem perder-te em meus braços
Pelo amor de Deus
Vem que eu te quero fraco
Vem que eu te quero tolo
Vem que eu te quero todo meu
Ah, eu quero te dizer
Que o instante de te ver
Custou tanto penar
Não vou me arrepender
Só vim te convencer
Que eu vim pra não morrer
De tanto te esperar
Eu quero te contar
Das chuvas que apanhei
Das noites que varei
No escuro a te buscar
Eu quero te mostrar
As marcas que ganhei
Nas lutas contra o rei
Nas discussões com Deus
E agora que cheguei
Eu quero a recompensa
Eu quero a prenda imensa
Dos carinhos teus...

Something Else

2011-10-14T17:23:00.004-03:00

Did you know that I woke up next to him that morning? His arm around me, messy hair, morning sun; did you know we ate breakfast together and talked and smiled and laughed and shared a cup of coffee? Did you know that he was sweet and loving and gentle? And something else, it was perfect that morning. I loved him dearly, and he loved me back.

Jenna Sommers, Those Days

8 Meses Depois e Malas Prontas (again)!

2011-10-07T19:22:00.014-03:00

Lembra quando tudo que eu queria era fazer as malas e ir viver em outro país? Então, fui, vivi e agora tudo que eu quero é minha casa! Passei tanta coisa nesses ultimos meses, coisas lindas, maravilhosas; Amei, fiz amizades, viajei muito, tomei sol, caminhei, descobri mais sobre o mundo e sobre mim, e acho que aprendi muito. Também tive momentos de tristeza; só quem larga tudo e se joga no mundo sabe o que é morrer de saudade e não poder fazer nada a respeito, pelo menos no momento. Chorei, me desesperei, chorei mais ainda, me decepcionei...
Mas valeu a pena. Tudo sempre vale a pena se a alma não é pequena, não é o que Fernando Pessoa escreveu? Pois então, valeu muito.
E agora, as malas estão prontas. Levo comigo também todas as boas memórias. As ruins prefiro deixar pra trás, não preciso do peso extra.
Amanhã, pego o primeiro de alguns voos e domingo de manhã, chego em São Paulo. Estou com saudade da minha cidade, de sua imensidão. Mal posso aguardar pra dar um abraço muito longo e apertado na minha mãe, assim que chegar em Congonhas. Depois abraçar os amigos, ir pra minha casa, ver meus gatos, meu quarto. Tomar café da manhã em boa cia. Depois ir ver a minha vózinha, dar um abraço nela, um beijo, fazer ela sorrir.
Tanta coisa boa por vir! E tantos planos, tantas oportunidades em frente.
Estou feliz :)

O que se faz da esperança.

2011-10-05T22:30:00.005-03:00

Estava cheia de esperança. Em sua mente, imaginava como seria o futuro, como seria o reencontro, como seria a descoberta do amor suspeitado, como seria sua vivência. Sabia que não deveria encher a cabeça de sonhos, pois a realidade tem a irritante mania de seguir o caminho oposto à eles, deixando apenas decepção nos corações sonhadores.
Mas a alegria perante as possibilidades de tudo que estaria por vir, o amor que começava a sentir, que se permitia sentir, que deixava crescer e que acalentava como a um filho dentro de si, tudo isso a impedia de refrear os devaneios, de encarar os fatos e reconhecer a realidade. Nem estava lá, nem estava perto, o objeto de sua afeição desconhecia tal afeição. Os sonhos viviam dentro dela e não nele. Não eram dele. Se um dia chegaram a ser, devem ter morrido por alguma razão qualquer. E foi justamente isso que ela recebeu: uma razão. Uma razão para deixar a imaginação de lado e encarar os fatos. A vida era bem diferente do mundo criado em sua mente. Ninguém a esperava, ninguém ansiava pela descoberta do amor suspeitado ou pela vivência do mesmo. Já viviam outros amores, tinham outros sonhos. Só não sabia agora o que fazer com os sentimentos. Não sabia se se livrava deles como algo a que se tem asco, atirando-os a qualquer canto e virando-lhes as costas, voltando-se a qualquer nova faísca de esperança. Ou se continuava a acalenta-los, na esperança de um dia poder ser correspondida, de poder enfim, partilhar seu amor com o ser amado. Não sabia, estava perdida.

Nathalie Alves

*Texto meu, favor não copiar. Ou se for copiar, pelo menos dê o devido crédito.

Né?

2011-09-19T20:28:00.001-03:00

"Apaixone-se por alguém que te ame, que te espere, que te compreenda mesmo na loucura.

Apaixone-se por alguém que te ajude, que te guie, que seja teu apoio, tua esperança, teu todo.

Apaixone-se por alguém que volte para conversar com você depois de uma briga, depois do desencontro, por alguém que caminhe junto a você, que seja seu companheiro.

Apaixone-se por alguém que te ame, que sinta sua falta e que precise de você.

Não se apaixone apenas pela ideia de estar apaixonado"

Totalmente roubado do blog da Tati, o Como Agarrar um Marido, link na lateral --->

No Momento Certo

2011-08-31T17:30:00.001-03:00

´E mesmo sorrindo por ai, cada um sabe a falta que o outro faz. Nunca mais se viram, nunca mais se tocaram e nunca mais serão os mesmos. É fácil porque os dias passam rápidos demais, é dificil porque o sentimento fica, vai ficando e permanece dentro deles. E todos os dias eles se perguntam o que fazer. E imaginam os abraços, as noites com dores nas costas esquecidas pelo primeiro sorriso do outro. E que no momento certo se reencontrem e que nada, nada seja por acaso.´

-Caio Fernando Abreu

In My Mind

2011-08-29T12:54:00.004-03:00

Agora falta tão pouco!
Tão pouco!
Tudo que aconteceu por aqui valeu e valeu muito. Em tão poucos meses, um universo. Mas ainda assim incompleto. O que realmente importa foi o que ficou longe e é pra lá que eu volto, mais cedo do que tarde. Fico tão feliz. E grata por poder voltar, por ter tudo o que tenho me esperando.
:)

Como me sugeriram:

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall...

2011-08-22T02:14:00.002-03:00

2011-08-18T17:36:00.003-03:00

Fico dizendo a mim mesma que falta pouco, que as coisas passam. Mas já não escuto mais a mim mesma. Ou talvez a minha paciência tenha se esgotado de vez, não sobrou mais nada pra me fazer aguentar as dificuldades. Quem sabe?

C'est la chanson, la nuit, le vent...

2011-07-20T00:27:00.002-03:00

"La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi
Et je pense que je l'aime des fois
Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc
Quand on est ensemble
Mettre les mots
Sur la petite dodo

La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi et la pluie
Elle me manque
Pourquoi?
Non,non
C'est la chanson, la nuit, le vent
L'amour , le son
De la petite Dodo"

Perfect Sweetness

2011-07-14T00:41:00.003-03:00

“What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great person is one who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sabes...

2011-06-30T22:08:00.002-03:00

Sabes
dijiste
nunca
nunca fui tan feliz como esta noche.
Nunca. Y me lo dijiste.
en el mismo momento
en que yo decidía no decirte
sabés
seguramente me engaño
pero creo
pero ésta me parece
la noche más hermosa de mi vida

(La Habana, 1968) - Idea Vilariño

The World Begins Again

2011-06-30T21:54:00.003-03:00

Pra Você Guardei o Amor

2011-06-17T12:09:00.001-03:00

"Penso sempre que um dia a gente vai se encontrar de novo, e que então tudo vai ser mais claro, que não vai mais haver medo nem coisas falsas. Há uma porção de coisas minhas que você não sabe, e que precisaria saber para compreender todas as vezes que fugi de você e voltei e tornei a fugir. São coisas difíceis de serem contadas, mais difíceis talvez de serem compreendidas — se um dia a gente se encontrar de novo, em amor, eu direi delas, caso contrário não será preciso. Essas coisas não pedem resposta nem ressonância alguma em você: eu só queria que você soubesse do muito amor e ternura que eu tinha — e tenho — pra você. Acho que é bom a gente saber que existe desse jeito em alguém, como você existe em mim.”

-Caio Fernando Abreu, colocando em palavras o que vai lá por dentro.

Pois é.

2011-05-23T13:52:00.003-03:00

Aquele momento em que você se dá conta de que tudo o que tinha planejado e esperado para o futuro não é mais o que você quer.
E ai você tem que aceitar o fato de que se enganou completamente. E você tem que fazer novos planos e redirecionar sua vida.
Ai você pensa, "que merda". Bom, mas de alguma coisa me serviu o engano. Alguma lição aprendi. Os erros são sempre necessários para nos direcionar ao caminho certo, não? Nem sei. Importante é que tentei, que fui atrás de sonhos, nem que eles tenham se transformado em algo diferente. Vamos ver. Agora fico aqui, colhendo alguns frutos do meu engano e tentando redirecionar a vida. No mais, estarei de volta à minha casa em breve, é só o que posso dizer. Não tão breve que chegue lá em algumas semanas, mas em alguns bons meses. O importante é que voltarei e recomeçarei, de novo, não do zero, mas de algum ponto do meio de tudo.
E mal posso esperar.

Blue Skies Are Coming...

2011-04-25T16:58:00.002-03:00

Não sei porque, mas só venho postar quando não estou nos meus melhores dias... juro que não me entendo! Acho que quando estou bem me ocupo demais com a vida real e ser feliz.
Enfim, que seja. Pelo menos vim postar, nem que este seja o primeiro sinal de vida que dou neste mês o.o

Olha, a vida vai mais pra bem do que pra ruim mas eu me recuso a dizer que vai muito bem porque além de estar de mau humor, eu estaria mentindo também. Me faltam certos elementos para alcançar aquela felicidade minha de todos os dias. Acho que é assim com todo mundo, mas eu estava muito mal acostumada a ser feliz sempre e agora acho difícil demais aceitar a presente situação.

Estou morando nos Estados Unidos como eu quis por tanto tempo! uhuu! Estou morando numa das cidades mais chatas dos estados unidos, no entanto. Literalmente, no meio do nada, Denver é uma cidade grande com 8 prédios com mais de 5 andares. São Paulo me deixou mal acostumada. Fora que aqui só tem mexicano e americano. Sim, percebo a controvérsia em minha fala. Mas há cidades aqui nos states com gente de tudo quanto é canto e isso me faz falta. Mais uma vez, São Paulo me deixou mal acostumada.

Posso reclamar mais um pouquinho? Gente, esse povo não come!!! Como que eles engordam??? Ah sim, porque ninguém cozinha aqui, tudo que se come vem pronto numa latinha ou embalagem de plástico/papelão. Senhor como sinto saudade de comida de verdade...

Ah, arranjei um gatinho americano. Caiu assim, do nada, em cima de mim. Conheci bem por acaso no dia de St. Patrick. Sorte? Pode ser. Sei que ele me adora, o que é ótimo, mas que eu também estou gostando dele, o que me assusta. Estou deixando acontecer pra ver no que vai dar... acho que se der errado, tudo bem, mais um motivo pra eu vir me queixar com vcs hahaha. E se der certo, ah... nothing but blue skies, right?

Nem sei porque vim aqui reclamar tanto. Eu sei que não devia estar fazendo isso. Que é feio, que é chato e que esse estado de espírito vai passar assim como veio. Logo vou estar contente de novo e correndo atrás dos meus objetivos.

Vamos considerar o post todo como uma licença poética, pode ser?
Vocês fingem que não leram, eu finjo que não postei e a vida segue em frente. Combinado?

Beijos!

Oh Oh, The Sweetest Thing

2011-03-30T01:04:00.001-03:00

;)

Look

2011-03-23T13:44:00.003-03:00

Oh my look at those eyes
Look at the trouble that they hide inside
I see the flicker of the pain on the rise
Oh my look at those eyes

Maybe they're like mine
Things I wish I did not see
I push away all the dirt and debris
But what'll be left of me

No tell me it's not so
That people will come and they'll go
We push away all the love that we know
No tell me it's not so

Like in the eye of a storm
You're changing form
You feel the pull of the time ticking by
Oh my look at these times

But look at who's right beside you
When you're alone barely holding on
You leave your worries behind you
You're not alone in the dark
But look at who's right beside you
You're looking back thinking oh my god
That somebody's never left you
You're not alone in the dark

Oh my look at these skies
Look at the trouble that they hide inside
I see the flicker of the pain on the rise
Oh my look at these skies

Soothing like a lullaby
I don't wanna fight this fight
You feel the weight of the world on your mind
We leave it all behind

But look at who's right beside you
When you're alone barely holding on
You leave your worries behind you
You're not alone in the dark
But look at who's right beside you
You're looking back thinking oh my god
That somebody's never left you
You're not alone in the dark
You're not alone in the dark

You're not
You're not alone
You're not alone

It's been a long way long way long way home
It's been a lonely lonely lonely road
It's been a long time I can't find
So long I'm gonna lose my mind
It's been a long way long way long way home

But look at who's right beside you
When you're alone barely holding on
You leave your worries behind you
You're not alone in the dark
But look at who's right beside you
You're looking back thinking oh my god
That somebody's never left you
You're not alone in the dark

It's been a long
It's been a long way home
It's been a long way home
You're not alone in the dark

Oh my look at those eyes
Look at the trouble that they hide inside
I see the flicker of the pain on the rise
Oh my look at those eyes

Maybe they're like mine
Things I wish I did not see
I push away all the dirt and debris
But what'll be left of me

Look at Those Eyes - Alexz Johnson

Estive Pensando...

2011-03-20T19:45:00.003-03:00

Hoje sonhei com a minha vó. Sempre que sonho com alguém da família, especialmente a minha vó, acordo com uma sensação mega ruim. Fico meio deprê, querendo só pensar no passado e entregar os pontos de tudo que é difícil... querendo evitar os obstáculos e voltar pro que eu conhecia, pro confortável. Um sentimento derrotista que é uma praga que só.
Logo tive que me mexer, porque só o movimento me tira das idéias tristes e portanto negativas. É difícil aprender a viver no presente e não no passado. Custa.
Mas enfim, fui lá seguir adiante. Olha, são momentos. tem momentos em que você se sente tão bem. E em segundos pode mudar pra incerteza, pra tristeza. nem sei explicar. Deve ser algo como uma TPM eterna. Péssimo. Enfim, agora me sinto bem e me prendo ao sentimento com unhas e dentes. Não quero que passe.
Só sei que comecei a pensar que preciso ser mais positiva. Que estou exatamente onde deveria estar. Que deus me colocou nesse caminho e é nesse caminho que devo seguir. Que ninguém nunca carrega uma cruz mais pesada do que pode carregar. Acho que quando nos falha encontrar respostas, acabamos encontrando respostas em Deus, ou seja, não na razão, que está falha, mas na fé, que é instinto, esperança, força de vontade. Nesses momentos entendo as pessoas que atribuem tudo que conseguiram à Deus. É o que elas tem pra se agarrar, é o que as faz seguir em frente.
Enfim, pensar que estou vivendo o que vivo por uma razão maior me deixa mais tranquila. E é isso que quero. Paz de espírito, equilíbrio, felicidade.

Obrigada a quem tem deixado comentários de apoio. Eles sempre me ajudam, sempre me trazem um sorriso aos lábios; muito obrigada!

Mas é carnaval...

2011-03-07T16:25:00.005-03:00

Notícias de um país muito distante.
Faz um mês que deixei a "terrinha" e vim me aventurar pelo mundo, mais específicamente, pelos estados unidos.
E o que dizer desses dias todos que passaram desde então? Nem sei. Partir foi horrível, doeu, me deixou mal, quase querendo mudar de idéia e ficar. Mas cadê a coragem em ficar? Fui, peguei o avião, a primeira de muitas primeiras vezes...
Cheguei em meio à neve, ao frio, à paisagem coberta de branco. tudo muito lindo, tudo diferente e novo. E a sensação de não pertencer. Acho que subestimei essa sensação. Só sei que me acompanhou de Nova York à Denver e pra ser bem sincera, não me deixou ainda. O que aconteceu foi que me acostumei com ela.
Minha vida aqui não é difícil, mas também não é fácil.
Enquanto muita gente se descobre mais forte por aqui, eu sempre me soube forte e não acho que isso mudou em nada, só me descobri incerta. Aguentar, todo mundo aguenta, o negócio é sonhar e fazer planos enquanto se aguenta, não perder a esperança, os objetivos... não desistir. Sinto saudade de tudo e mais um pouco, mas sei que de longe tudo sempre parece mais lindo, portanto não deixo a saudade mascarar a realidade.
Acho que por agora tudo que eu mais quero é fazer alguns amigos de verdade por aqui, juntar uma graninha, estudar e ir em busca do meu espaço, da minha felicidade, do lugar ao qual eu sinta que faço parte. Nem sei se é muito à pedir, se for também, não me importa, é o que quero.

So Far Away...

2011-01-22T17:12:00.002-02:00

Que ninguém pense que partir é fácil.
Partir é romper o curso da vida corrente.
É acabar com a inércia reconfortante do amanhã que se espera.
É afastar-se das presenças que acolhem.
Não é acabar com o amor que lhes temos, porque amor não acaba.
Mas é afastar-se da fonte do amor, do dia-a-dia do amor, do tocar, sentir, cheirar...
Partir é triste como a morte é triste.
É um fim. É também um começo.
Com cada partida vem a possibilidade do reencontro.
Do encontro de vidas, inércias, presenças e amores diferentes.
De novas partidas.

Nathalie.

Changes

2011-01-17T20:30:00.002-02:00

"So often when things change in our lives, we have such a resistance to the change. This is because when people see a big change appearing they are often fearful that it is something bad. But it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must come in and replace it. When change comes, relax, have total faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD.

Something more magnificent is coming to you!"

:)

Immerse Your Soul in Love

2011-01-08T19:24:00.004-02:00

Whatever it is 2011 holds for me, I'm sure it will be great, exciting and challenging. This year, dear readers, I pack my bags and go out into the world to a new country, new life and a new job.
It's not easy to leave everything and everyone else behind, a fact I'm very aware of even if its still two weeks before my departure date. But I don't believe in taking the easy way out, I don't believe in avoiding suffering and therefore, avoiding happiness. There is a great quote I found in the book I'm currently reading and it goes like this:

"When I as a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did. Where the smoke from a chimney ended. How an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table. I spent my life learning to feel less. Everyday I felt less. Is that growing old? Or is it something worse? You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."

That is so true. And since happiness is and will always be what I live for, I understand that suffering is part of the package. And it is ok. So even though I'll miss everyone and a lot of places and things, I'll also find new people, places and things to love. There's room in my heart for all.

I cannot explain to you how happy I am before all the new possibilities and adventures that stand ahead. I'll try my best to make the absolute best of it and I hope you join me for the ride.

No matter where you are or will be, what you're doing now or will be doing in the future, I wish you take all the opportunities that stand before you now and make the best out of this new year. 2011 will be awesome, I just know it.

Happy new year my dears!

Beijos,

Nathalie.

Meme de Fim de Ano, edição 2010!

2010-12-27T15:05:00.004-02:00

Todos os anos respondo um "meme" de fim de ano aqui no blog. Em 2010 não poderia ser diferente, então aqui vai a edição desse ano:

End of the Year Meme, the 2010 edition

1 - What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
I learned to drive! (2010)
I spent a few months without both studing/working, learned how to change diapers and started teaching little kids as a volunteer.(2009)
I went to a strip club, dated someone for more than a month, graduated from college, went to a salsa club. (2008)

2 - Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

In a way, yes. The resolution was to become an au pair and go to the USA. And although I'm still here in Brazil at the moment, I travel to Denver in January to become one. So, I'd say the goal was achieved. (2010)
Not at all, all my plans went completely wrong. Yes, I already have plans for 2010, they are mostly the ones I didn't accomplish this year. (2009)
I decided not to make big new years' relsolutions last year, but graduating was one thing I did acomplish. And yes, i'll make some for 2009. (2008)

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but there is a friend who's very pregnant at the moment :) (2010)
Yes, not as close as the last year's friends, but still. (2009)
yes! A few friends of mine had beautiful babies... (2008)

4 - Did anyone close to you die?
I'm very glad to say no! (2010)
Sadly, yes. (2009)
no (2008)

5 - What countries did you visit?
Ah... still none. (2010)
Once again, none. (2009)
none....what a shame (2008)

6 - What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A boyfirend! (where do they all hide?) (2010)
A good job, money, maybe a nice boyfriend. (2009)
money, a good boyfriend maybe and a big nice couch (2008)

7 - What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?

I'm guessing December, 28th? Maybe... it's tomorrow and it's the day of my visa interview. (2010)
August, 2nd. Not in a good way. (2009)
december 5th (2008)

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a good job, saving money and paying for everything au pair related, thus becoming one. Also, I think it's worth mentioning all the work I've done at the Resource Center, I practicly brought it back from death. (2010)
Surviving.(2009)
graduating (2008)

9 - What was your biggest failure?
Maybe not getting a boyfriend? Although I don't blame myself for it, as chance plays a major part on such matters. No failures this year, I'm afraid. (2010)
Ha. Still being where I am. (2009)
to not save money for my trip (2008)

10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, I had allergies on my lower legs, but that was it. Nothing else. (2010)
No. Healthy as always, thank God. (2009)
no...just a few cuts here and there...nothing major (2008)

11 - What was the best thing you bought?
Another laptop! (2010)
A book I gave to my mom. (2009)
my laptop! (2008)

12 - Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Mine. I've been a very good person. Not that I'm not always (o.O), but I think I behaved very well this year, running after all my dreams and being disciplined enough to reach them. (2010)
I don't know. (2009)
american people who voted (2008)

13 - Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Brazilian people who voted and elected or next very incompetent president (2010)
Just random people. (2009)
my ex-boss and one of my childhood friends (2008)

14 - Where did most of your money go?
To pay the au pair program. So it was all very well spent (2010)
What money? It went all to pay debts from last year. (2009)
that's an exelent question...I wish I knew.... (2008)

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?
USA, being an au pair, Denver, traveling (2010)
USA! Oh, and True Blood ;) (2009)
Canada! (2008)

16 - What song/album will always remind you of 2010?
Mika, Bon Iver and Laura Marling (2010)
Ryan Adam's "Gold" and KOL's "Only by the Night" (2009)
john mayer's "where the light is" and cat power's "the greatest" (2008)

17 - Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier! (2010) Sadder(2009) happier(2008)

Thinner or fatter? Same! (2010) Same(2009) thinner(2008)

Richer or poorer? Richer! (2010) poorer(2009) poorer(2008)

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?
Had gone out more often with my friends, had more fun, shopping (2010)
I wish I had worked more, if I had had a nice job. (2009)
I wish I had gone out with friends more often, and that I had read more (2008)

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?
Taking the subway (2010)
I wish I had been less unusefull... does that word even exist? Apparently, it does... (2009)
I wish I had done less work (2008)

20 - How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at home with my mom and brother (and all the cats) (2010)
With my mom and good friends! (2009)
with family and friends (2008)

21 - Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Pâmela, sem dúvida (2010)
Nati, there's no doubt. (2009)
probably pams or nati (2008)

22 - Did you fall in love in 2009?
No! There wasn't anyone interesting enough to fall for... (2010)
If i did, I barely even noticed, so I don't think so. (2009)
I don't think so (2008)

23 - How many one night stands in this last year?
This is a very personal question, maybe I should get rid of it (2010)
not one ;) (2009)
not one (2008)

24 - What was your favourite TV programme?
Vampire Diaries! It's soo good! (2010)
True Blood and Gossip Girl (2009)
instant star and gossip girl (2008)

25 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. There's no room for hate in me, I think. (2010)
No, hate is bad for you. No hate. (2009)
no, no hate for anyone (2008)

26 - What was the best book(s) you read?
"Catcher in the Rye" once more and also "Everything is Illuminated" and "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" both by Jonathan Safran Foer. (2010)
I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse series... the first 3 ones are pretty good. I also re-read The Catcher in the Rye, and laughed a lot while doing it, such a great book. (2009)
didn't read many, but Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows was the best (2008)

27 - What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mika, Bon Iver, Laura Marling, Noah and the Whale (2010)
Loreena McKennit, although I kind of already knew about her... I just took time to listen to more of her work and loved it. Oh, the same goes for Ryan Adams. (2009)
Griffin House and Cat Power (2008)

28 - What did you want and get?
A new laptop, a one year trip to the US, books (2010)
A dressing table. (2009)
a new computer, a new cell phone, clothes, a new cat (2008)

29 - What did you want and not get?
Taking up from where I left last year, a boyfriend and a couch (yes, still) (2010)
A good job, money, a boyfriend, a coutch (still), to travel... the list goes on and on. (2009)
a good job, a couch (2008)

30 - What were your favourite films of this year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1 forever and ever, Toy Story 3 and Despicable Me. (2010)
Harry Potter 6, The Hangover... (2009)
batman, madagascar 2....can't remember any more (2008)

31 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Apparently very old, because I can't remeber what I did. I'm guessing nothing. I'm 23 now. Ps: mom is telling me I went out with friends. I have no recollection though. (2010)
I went out to clebrate with some friends and familly. We ate pizza. Better than 2008. I turned 22. (2009)
sadly, I did nothing, just studied and worked. I turned 21. (2008)

32 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money? (2010)
Plenty of money? (2009)
plenty of money? (2008)

33 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Most of the time I've been dressing very business lady-like for my job, but i'd like to think I have good taste, not sticking to any particular style, but enjoying the best of each. (2010)
Better than ever before, still needing some guidance :) I went red for a couple months and then went back to brown hair. (2009)
laid back, confortable and simple clothes. Natural hair color. (2008)

34 - What kept you sane?
Work, family and friends, daydreaming (2010)
Friends, family, books, tumblr, this blog, everything I could hold on to. (2009)
friends and family (2008)

35 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ian Somerhalder ;) (2010)
Alexander Skarsgard ;) (2009)
don't really know (2008)

36 - What political issue stirred you the most?
Elections and incompetence in Brazil. In the world, the shithead that rules North Korea. (2010)
Still trying to avoid these things as much as possible. (2009)
I try my best to avoid such things. (2008)

37 - Who did you miss?
My grandma (2010)
Same answer as last year. (2009)
my cousin and some friends (2008)

38 - Who was the best new person you met?
My co-workes, mostly Raquel ;) (2010)
My co-workers, Leidi, Gil, Sheila, Bene (2009)
haven't met many people this year....I guess my friend's bf (2008)

39 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
You have to work a lot to get what you want. And the more you give with an open heart and good will, the more you get back when you least expect. Also, you have to do a good job, give the best of yourself, not to get recognition from others, but to become a better person and feel good about yourself. (2010)
Just because you made plans, it doesn't mean things will go as you wished for. You have to be understanding, keep your faith and keep on trying, until you reach your goals. There's always a reason why things are as they are and some lesson to be learned, nothing happens by chance. (2009)
you can't hurry love....hahahahha....seriously, all things have their own time, you can't rush life, and the best we do is to accept things we can't change. (2008)

40 - Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

"Deixe-me ir, preciso andar

vou por aí à procurar

sorrir para não chorar"

Cartola, Preciso me Encontrar (2010)

"Nothing to do, nowhere to be
a simple little kind of free
nothing to do, no one but me
and that's all I need".
(Perfectly Lonely, John Mayer) (2009)

"Cause she gets up in the morning
and she goes to work at 9
catches the same train everytime..." (2008)

What I Once Wrote...

2010-12-26T22:45:00.000-02:00

I suppose you must be wondering what led me to write you a letter, specially after all this time. I know I've been asking myself the same question for the past few days, struggling to decide if it would be wise to write you once again. We have been distant for so long now, that the idea of us being in contact again seems abstract and almost pointless. You can guess that those reasons weren't enough to hold me back though, since you are reading these words now.
First I must assure you that everything is as well as it's expected to be, and nothing too terrible has happened to me or anyone we know. You need not to worry about anything of that sort.
I was in Paris last week and, for some reason, all I could think about was that painting you had over the green suede couch on your little living room. I remembered the colors and lines and as I looked at the sunset over the Seine, I couldn't tell the difference between the picture and reality. Of course, I told myself over and over that it was just my mind that gave me that impression, that it would be impossible to remember something with so much accurateness. Imagination can be a powerful and artful thing, but could it be so vivid, seem so real? I am now fully convinced that such an impression was just a trick played by my mind. Although I'm quite puzzled as to why my mind would opt to play tricks on me.
However, something else occurred to me as I tried to clear my head between a glass of wine or two, sitting at one cafe or another along the banks: it didn't matter if my memory of the painting was accurate or not. What did I care about shades of orange, burgundy and blue and how they blended together to create a breathtaking sky? When had I ever noticed the shadows and highlights that created the contrasts of a view so intensely? It all meant nothing to me. And in the end, wasn't it all fleeting anyway? Wouldn't a minute or two change it all? Hadn't the impressionists tried to teach us all about the ephemerality of life while recreating the same landscape over and over again, at different hours, in a elaborate study of the changes in light? I must confess I probably spent more time thinking about it all then what would be considered acceptable.
You see, what really mattered then was not that I kept remembering about a painting in your old living room or the fact that I believed it to be exactly like the scene I had before my eyes. What was affecting me so much was the fact that I kept thinking about your painting, in your living room. I was suddenly thinking of you all the time. Had the painting belonged to anyone else, I wouldn't have spent hours thinking about it and I certainly wouldn't interrupt my late afternoon stroll in such an abrupt way the first time I ever looked up and noticed the Parisian sunset.
I decided to trade the wine for coffee and see if my mental condition would improve, leading me to direct my thoughts towards the work I was in the city to do, or maybe to just let myself enjoy my stay at the city of lights without reminiscing about the past every couple of minutes. After all, if I couldn't admire the scenery peacefully, there were hundreds of tourists there for me to stare at. But sometimes, I'm afraid, it is truly impossible to control one's own mind. Soon, it wasn't just about the painting I was wondering. There were so many images from the past coming to me all at once that I felt bewildered and overwhelmed by it all.
After a few more days of brief meetings, long walks through the city and very nice complimentary hotel room shampoo, I left Paris and came back home. I had had my fun, had done what was expected of me regarding my job and had my share of what I considered a small reminiscing about the past. If I were to be honest, I would admit it wasn't quite so small a reminiscing, but I wasn't being honest with myself. I expected my return home to be a return to routine in all possible ways, which included my peace of mind.
Since you are reading this, I'm quite sure you understand it wasn't so.
A great amount of time stands between us now and I won't pretend that there is no distance between us. Because there is, quite a lot, in fact. Obviously, we are not the same we once were, which is something that I accept and am partially glad about. But I thought that maybe, just maybe, it would do us well (perhaps, selfishly, most to me) to establish some sort of communication and try to reach some sort of agreement about our past and present. This is not a plea for forgiveness or atonement and neither a request for either. I don't expect you to write me frequently, I just ask and hope that you will return my letter and tell me if you are well and how life goes for you. That would be enough. That we could have the liberty to write to each other whenever we felt like doing so, without guilt or fear of being misunderstood or rejected for doing so. That maybe we could retrieve the good things that once existed between us. Perhaps we could see my offer as a white flag, even though I'm sure there was never a battle where we were involved.
Thinking back, I conclude that we just let our friendship fade, that we didn't give it all the credit it deserved or acknowledged its merits. We just allowed ourselves to drift away, that I, specially, allowed us to drift away, that I almost ran and hid away from it, just because I wasn't strong enough to accept the facts for what they were. But I was wrong to do so. I realize, perhaps too late, that our relationship meant more to me than I assumed at the time.
I only hope it means something to you still and that you accept my offer, that you will answer me and help me restore my peace of mind. I don't know what else to say, except that I hope this letter reaches you well and in good health, I really do.

It's Delicate

2010-12-04T21:07:00.008-02:00

Everything Is Illuminated

2010-12-01T13:51:00.004-02:00

I've just finished reading Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. Here's a small discription of the book that I found online:

Jonathan Safran Foer (both the author's and main character's name) is a writer who goes to the Ukraine to visit his Jewish roots and find the family that saved his grandfather from the Nazis. His tour guide and translator is Alexander Perchov, although Alex's translations are often a hilarious mangling of the English language. Three narratives run throughout the book, Foer's history of his family in the small village in the first half of the century, Alex's recollection of the time spent with Foer in the Ukraine, and Foer's attempt to understand the truth about his grandfather's past. This novel has generated many glowing reviews. The Washington Post says Everything is Illuminated "is madly complex, at times confusing, overlapping, unforgiving. But read it, and you'll feel altered, chastened -- seared in the fire of something new."

All I have to say is that this book made me laugh a lot, many of those times, I had to control myself because people around me on the subway started staring at me as if I had lost my mind. Then, after half of the book was read, the story started getting quite serious and I won't lie to you, the ending is quite heartbreaking. It's a great book and it's worth your time.

And I'm now reading Jonathan's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

Home Really Is Where My Heart Is

2010-11-20T17:11:00.007-02:00

It's Saturday afternoon and I'm home. I'm confortably sitting at my mother's bed, typing away at my laptop and watching the huge pine tree that stands in my front yard through the window. It is a beautiful, warm day and I didn't have to work because it's a holiday.
Why am I taking the trouble to tell you all this? Because yesterday a friend of mine called as I was closing the school to come home, asking me if I wanted to go out and do something. I declined. I do love to go out, don't get me wrong, but you know what I love more? To stay home.
Many friends of mine think I'm weird because of that. They don't understand what could possibly be so pleasant and entertaining about my house that I would want to lock myself inside for the weekend.
Well, that's because not everyone feels so at peace and so comfortable at home as I do.
I live in such a nice calm neighborhood (when my annoying neighbours are not demolishing their homes) and I have food, internet, shelter, a few pillows... why would I want to leave?
The greatest thing about being home though, for me is that I have a small family that I actually enjoy spending time with. We all respect each other, we all like to spend some time together and also some time apart, each one in their own room, doing whatever one feels like doing.
Right now as I'm relaxing here on my mother's bedroom (the cleaning lady was cleaning my windows and asked me to leave my room), my mother is in her office, writing. Later we'll have coffee and spend some more time together, but for now, we respect each others privacy. My brother is at his work, but soon he'll come home too.
So basically, what I'm saying is: yes, I do enjoy staying home. And I enjoy it mostly because I get along beautifully with my family, and I wish everyone could feel the same way, but I know that this is not the case for many. So I do not take being home for granted.
Also, going out is overated, specially in my city. If you want to have good food and good company, you have to spend a lot of money and time going from one side of town to the other. There's traffic, there's insecurity (you never know when or where you could be mugged) and I find that sometimes, it's just not worth my while, you know.
I'd much rather have some friends over for a movie and some good food.
Of course, this is not a permanent mood. Sometimes, you just want to be out there, experiencing new things. But oh, how today is not one of those days...

I'm going to have some pancakes with strawberry jam now... até mais.

A Fox Trapped In The Headlights

2010-11-09T15:57:00.005-02:00

Ai céus, hoje é um daqueles dias, sabe?
Um daqueles dias em que tudo que eu mais quero é estar onde eu sempre quis estar, é poder viver a vida que eu sonho em viver, é querer fazer parte de outro lugar de outra realidade, de outras vidas. Tem tanta coisa que eu quero fazer e não posso, tantas coisas a experimentar, realizar, e tudo tão distante. Tanta gente ainda a conhecer, e eu aqui.
Eu sei, eu sei... preciso ter calma, tudo tem seu tempo, agora falta pouco. Tenho plena consciência de tudo isso e mais um pouco; mas o que o coração deseja, ele deseja pra agora, e não para o futuro só. E cada vez que me dá esse sentimento, eu digo a mim mesma, agora falta tão pouco, aproveite seu tempo por ai, enquanto dura. Mas ai sempre acontece algo e acabo ficando por aqui mais do que o planejado. Ou seja, digo que vai passar logo, mas nunca passa. Acho que deixei de acreditar em mim mesma.
Ah... "the things you cannot have".
Só queria desabafar. Deixar registrado aqui. Quem sabe daqui um tempo não volto a ler esse post e suspiro de satisfação por já estar tendo a vida que tanto desejo? Ia ser bom.

The Paradox of Our Time

2010-11-04T21:23:00.004-02:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...

(not my words, but still worth posting)

E aí?

2010-11-03T18:16:00.002-02:00

E aí que eu cansei de me preocupar com as coisas. Programa de au pair, partida, visto, dinheiro, mudança, homem, livro...
Cansei de pensar e pensar nisso tudo. Nem tanto de pensar, mas de me preocupar mesmo, sabe? Aquele pensamento que carrega a pontinha de medo e angústia?
Então, quero mais é que minhas preocupações todas se danem.
Se eu escrever o livro, eu escrevi o livro. Se ele me ligar, ele me ligou. Se eu viajar mês que vem, viajei mês que vem. E tudo bem, e tudo lindo, tá tudo maravilhoso. Tanta coisa boa e linda que eu deixo de ver quando me ocupo com preocupações...
Quero mais é curtir minha vida, minha felicidade.

"A vida gosta de quem gosta dela"

E eu gosto tanto...

Então fica combinado assim. Um sambinha pra lavar a alma:

Doing Nothing...

2010-10-28T01:16:00.000-02:00

“Somos uma geração que come de pé, que trocou os doces ritos que cercavam o nobre ato de alimentar-se, por uma apressada ingestão de calorias. Já não comemos, abastecemo-nos como um veículo, como um automóvel encostado à sua bomba. Trocamos as velhas salas de jantar por mesas de abas, que se improvisam, às pressas, de um consolo exíguo encostado a uma parede. E o que sabe de um lar uma criança que não foi chamada, na doçura da tarde, do fundo de um quintal, para interromper as correrias, lavar mal-e-mal as mãos e vir sentar-se à mesa posta para o lanche, com mansas senhoras gordas que vieram visitar a mamãe? É a hora dos quitutes, das ingênuas vaidades doceiras, da exibição das velhas receitas, copiadas em letra bonita de um caderno ornado de cromos. Somos uma geração que perdeu o privilégio de não fazer nada, aquele doce não-fazer-nada que é a mansa hora do repouso, o embalo da rede na frescura de uma varanda, a quietude ensolarada de um pomar em que o sono da tarde nos pegou de repente, a hora de armar brinquedos para as crianças, das visitas que chegam sem se fazer anunciar, pois na certa estaremos em casa para uma conversa despreocupada e sem objetivo. (…) Perdemos o abençoado tempo de perder tempo, de não fazer nada, a única hora em que a gente se sente viver. O mais é canseira e aflição de espírito.”

(Elsie Lessa)

Accidents on Purpose

2010-10-25T13:19:00.001-02:00

"Make for yourself a world you can believe in. It sounds simple, I know. But it’s not. Listen, there are a million worlds you could make for yourself. Everyone you know has a completely different one - the woman in 5G, that cab driver over there, you. Sure, there are overlaps, but only in the details. Some people make their worlds around what they think reality is like. They convince themselves that they had nothing to do with their worlds’ creations and continuations. Some make their worlds without knowing it. Their universes are just sesame seeds and three-day weekends and dial tones and skinned knees and physics and driftwood and emerald earrings and books dropped in bathtubs and holes in guitars and plastic and empathy and hardwood and heavy water and high black stockings and the history of the Vikings and brass and obsolescence and burnt hair and collapsed soufflés and the impossibility of not falling in love in an art museum with the person standing next to you looking at the same painting and all the other things that just happen and are. But you want to make for yourself a world that is deliberately and meticulously personalized. A theater for your life, if I could put it like that. Don’t live an accident. Don’t call a knife a knife. Live a life that has never been lived before, in which everything you experience is yours and only yours. Make accidents on purpose. Call a knife a name by which only you will recognize it. Now I’m not a very smart man, but I’m not a dumb one, either. So listen: If you can manage what I’ve told you, as I was never able to, you will give your life meaning."

- A Convergence of Birds, Jonathan Safran Foer

Reflection About Loneliness

2010-10-18T13:40:00.003-02:00

These came to me almost all at once and I found myself intrigued by the subject. In the end, what is loneliness, what does it entail and what benefits does it bring to us?
As someone who appreciates being lonely a little more than other people do, I thought there was some merit in discussing, or at least reflecting about it.

“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”
— Janet Fitch.

“Forget relationships and learn how to relate. In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightenment spread over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating not a relationship. If you enjoy being with somebody, you would like to enjoy it more and more. If you enjoy the intimacy, you would like to explore the intimacy more and more. But it has to be a commitment from one heart to another heart. It has not even to be verbalized, because to verbalize it is to profane it. It has to be a silent commitment; eye to eye, heart to heart, being to being. It has to be understood, not said.”

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and — in spite of True Romance magazines — we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

I think being alone is necessary at least once a day. Not for long, but just to have some time to yourself where you can be alone with your thoughts, without being interrupted or influenced by anyone else. Every now and then, it is good to spend a few hours by yourself, just enjoying whatever it is you like to do. Maybe even doing nothing, just reflecting about life, about you, about someone else or nothing very special at all. I am afraid of people who claim they can't be alone or don't want to be alone never. If you can't stand your own presence for too long, something is definitly wrong.

La Brisa Dulce Torna

2010-10-16T21:16:00.003-03:00

AMOR. No, no has muerto, no. Renaces, con las rosas en cada primavera. Como la vida, tienes tus hojas secas; tienes tu nieve, como la vida. Mas tu tierra, amor, está sembrada de profundas promesas, que han de cumplirse aún en el mismo olvido. ¡En vano es que no quieras!. La brisa dulce torna, un día, al alma; una noche de estrellas, bajas, amor, a los sentidos, casto como la vez primera. ¡Pues eres puro, eres eterno!. A tu presencia, vuelven por el azul, en blanco bando, blancas palomas que creíamos muertas. Abres la sola flor con nuevas hojas. Doras la inmortal luz con lenguas nuevas. ¡Eres eterno, amor, como la primavera!.

- Juan Ramón Jiménez

Let Your Beauty Unfold

2010-10-13T22:25:00.005-03:00

I found these images today on tumblr. I've always liked Keira Knightley, even though some people are really against her. My mom doesn't like her. I don't know why. I think she's very pretty in her own way and I love the choices she makes regarding her career. I also like the fact that she makes me feel so much better about my body. I'm not one of those girls who hate their body or finds fault in it constantly. I like my body, I like being skiny and elegant, I like the fact that I don't have much trouble while shopping for clothes. But like everyone else, I have my moments of doubt and feeling like I don't fit into the pattern. Mostly, I think, because being brazilian, people expect you to be hot and hot means curves, lots of them. When I was younger, I remember thinking I was always single (not always, but you know, single most of the time) because I didn't have big breasts or a nice butt. Well, I don't know if that was the reason I didn't date as much as some other girls, but if it was then I'm glad I didn't, because really, who would want to be seen as just a nice body and nothing else? But now, having grown up and after finding out most aspects of what makes me who I am, I find my small curves and slim frame quite beautiful and attractive and I also know that's exactly what some people appreciate as well. I still don't wish to be desired just by the shape of my body, but feeling confortable in your skin is a great feeling. And seeing people who look like you being appreciated by the way they look really helps you to get there.

A thing that annoys me though, about being thin is that people always think you are sick. I suppose I should return the favor and feel the same way about everyone who's overweight, right? I know some people think I don't eat or that maybe I just throw up all the time or something. Oh, if they only knew the things I do eat and in what quantity... But some people are just prejudiced like that. I had a boss who once asked me, very discreetly, of course, if I had any trouble eating. I don't understand what is so hard about accepting that some people are fat, some are thin, some are tall and some have crooked noses. Perhaps the problem is that there really are a lot of girls out there making themselves sick trying to be something else. I remember the time I worked at the mall, everytime I had my lunch time break and went to the restroom, there would be a girl throwing up in the next stall. I never knew who she was, but it's very sad to know that some people feel so bad about the way they look that they would do almost anything to change it.
Struggling with who you are and what you look like is a very big part of being a teenager and growing up, but the natural course would lead to self acceptance, and therefore, happiness. It is to wonder what is happening that makes us so uncomfortable under our own skins, even as grown ups.
Anyway, the intention was not to lead the subject this way. I just wanted to post these pictures that are so beautiful and say that I do hope in the future I get to wear a dress like that black one. Or the one Keira is wearing. Or both.

You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold. Pale white like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close, you are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins. Holding on to yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins.

Picture of Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan at the "Never Let Me Go" Première.
The editorial pics are from ELLE Magazine.
Lyrics to "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New.

That I Understand The World Does What It Does...

2010-10-09T20:22:00.004-03:00

And you did always say that one day I would suffer
You did always say that people get their pay
You did always say that I was going places
And that you wouldn't have it any other way
But I couldn't turn my back on a world
For what I like wouldn't let me
But I couldn't turn my back on a world
For what I like, I needed
And I couldn't turn my back on a world
For what I like wouldn't let me
And I couldn't turn my back on a world
For what I like, I needed
And I shouldn't turn my back
On sweet smelling blackberry stone

Those lyrics just seem to be always stuck inside my head. I've been feeling the urge to paint a lot, but I'm so full of work right now, the idea will just have to wait. When I paint, I like to take a few days just for that... I wear my old clothes, spread my paint tubes, brushes and pots around me and just have fun with my canvas, for hours and hours, listening to good music and forgetting about the world. Or maybe connecting to the world in a weird way.
I'm in a position where I cannot make any plans for the next month, or the month after that or even for the next year. Being a planner, this is slightly driving me mad... I just have to way to see what happens, which is very frustrating.

I also changed the layout of the blog and now feel good about it again. Perhaps I'll post more often now. I miss my readers and the comments they left me.
Anyway... I'll see you guys :)

Image: Inglewood Mum (Chris)

Eye to Eye, Nose to Nose

2010-10-07T13:21:00.002-03:00

Laura Marling, Devil's spoke

Laura Marling, Rambling Man

Both from the album "I Speak Because I Can", which I cannot, for the life of me, stop listening to...

Whisper...

2010-10-02T00:43:00.001-03:00

I think I should warn you all that I'm getting the urge to change the blog's layout (again)...

That's all I have to say for now.

Such A Beautiful Day

2010-09-30T13:08:00.002-03:00

And have a good day... the weekend approaches ;)

Little Friends

2010-09-24T13:30:00.004-03:00

What greater gift than the love of a cat?

-Charles Dickens

Miho's Dad

Nadine Olivia

Jukka_Re

"Trying To Find Me Something...

2010-09-22T20:13:00.008-03:00

... but I wasn't sure just what"

I noticed there are just a couple of posts in the month of September... how sad is that?
So here I am, forcing myself to stop being lazy and take care of my blog. I'll start by telling you all what I've been up to and everything (or almost everything) that is happening in my life now.
Did I mention I've been wanting to leave this country since I started thinking rationally? Did I tell you guys I've been wanting to be an aupair since 2008? What about my plans to live in France, which then morfed to plans of living in Canada and finally, the USA?
Well so there you have it: I'll probably be an au pair in 2011, maybe even this year, who knows? I've contacted an agency last December and after gathering many documents, recommendation letters, experience with children, etc, I've turned in my application last Friday! Yey!
So now all I have to do is: wait.
Wait and wait until someone from the agency calls me to say my application has been approved. And then I have to find a good host family to live with and work for.
That's something that takes quite a lot of my daydreaming time and can I just say that I'm anxious? I am.
Anyway...
Other than that I've been translating the pediatric emergency life support book that I've probably mentioned before. It takes quite a lot of time as well, and although I'm learning quite a lot with it, sometimes I get so full of medical terms and procedures I just want to run away from it and hide for a while ;)
In other news, we are moving out. Or trying to. We put our house for rent and we want to rent a small apartment for us. This house we live in is quite large and now that I'm going away and that my brother has moved to another state, I don't want my mom to live alone in here. So we're trying to rent it and find a nice place for her and the cats. As soon as possible, that is. We had to put a lot of our things for sale because they won't fit inside an apartment and we really don't need so much stuff. Many things have already been sold or given away.
I took some time to take everything out from my wardrobe and drawers and set aside everything I never use or wear and I gave it all away. It feels good to get rid of stuff and have space inside your drawers. It's very freeing in a way.
I think, that's a proper update, don't you? I'll try and be a better blogger and post more often. I think I'll post more of the things I have on my tumblr, because I'm always posting images over there.
Ok. eenough. Bye dears!

Image: Homesick by Eloise Vera.

Parting Is Such a Sweet Sorrow

2010-09-01T19:05:00.007-03:00

It has begun. The never-ending wave of goodbyes I'll be facing almost on a daily basis from now on. I just realized this today, as I said goodbye to a co-worker. We hugged and as I was releasing her, I saw she was crying. My eyes teared up a bit too, I won't lie. And then it hit me: I'll see so many people I love crying because of my choices. And I'll be a bit sad too, no matter where I am. I'll leave those I love behind, but then I'll have new people that I'll find and come to love. And every time I return home to calm my yearning for the ones left behind, I'll be leaving new ones just the same. I'll never have them all by my side. There will always be little pieces of my heart missing that I'll have left in the hands of everyone I've loved along the way.
But then again, isn't this how life is supposed to be? Sometimes people we love will go away. Maybe to other lands, maybe to never return again, maybe to a place we'll all go someday but from where no one ever comes back. We'll all have to get used to it. Saying goodbye is part of life. Maybe the choices I made will make me do it more often than most, but so what? Perhaps I'll come to do it better.

fotografia: hui+

Cold Wind Blowing

2010-08-31T13:50:00.001-03:00

Today is my last day at my job.

Happiness Is A Direction, Not A Place.

2010-08-26T22:24:00.007-03:00

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
— Oscar Wilde

Interior photography by chocolatekate
Illustrations by the talented bunny. c.

Invitation

2010-08-20T00:39:00.007-03:00

http://i531.photobucket.com/albums/dd355/natine_alves/inv1.png

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

photo by lemonblond
poetry by Oriah

Time Is On Your Side

2010-08-01T15:56:00.003-03:00

This week I'm going to quit my job. I'll talk to my boss (who's a very nice lady, btw) and give her my 4 weeks notice.
I'm doing this because I'm about to turn in my au pair application at CI and I want to be free to travel as soon as I find a nice host family. And also because I have a huge translation work to finish in September, before I leave.
I feel very light and happy to have achieved some of the goals that I had set for myself this year and to see that my dreams are many steps closer to coming true.
Two thirds of 2010 have gone by and although now I can say the months have gone by in a blink, God only knows when you're in the middle of working hard for something that is miles away from happening, it seems time will drag on forever.

The Beauty Of Things

2010-07-27T19:05:00.012-03:00

Bottles. Like most simple, useful things, they hold some beauty to them. Save one or two from the recycling bin and spread them around your house or garden. They also make great candle holders, lamp bases, potpourris holders, and in great quantity, wall dividers.

Hello Blog

2010-07-15T13:48:00.003-03:00

I could say I've been busy, which I have, but it's not just that... my wifi isn't working anymore and I've been using my brother's netbook. Not to worry though, my new laptop arrives next week and after I load it with all my pretty files I'll be back to posting here...

Until then!

Barbie Dolls

2010-06-27T15:19:00.028-03:00

I'm sure my readers never knew this but, as a child and young woman, I have always loved Barbie dolls. I have over 30 dolls that I used to play with. My favorite thing to do, which I guess now in hindsight is quite obvious, was to decorate my doll's house and arrange little pink furniture and objects all around. Sometimes it was impossible to walk from one side of the room to another because I had the habit of building little rooms all across my own room and would leave them set up for days until my mom got to the limit of her patience and made me put all the toys away.
The reason for this post though, is to show 4 dolls I own and that I'm now parting with. I need some extra money and since I'm no longer collecting Barbies, I thought I should sell the ones I have to someone who actually cares for them and would keep them safe from harm.
So, without further ado, here are the dolls:

Barbie Happy Holidays Special Edition 1998

This Doll is the 6th on the Happy Holiday series, being released in 1998, it was imported from USA then and has never been taken out of its box. I ask R$350,oo for it.

Barbie Starlight Dance - Classique Collection designed by Cynthia Young 1996

This doll is the 5th doll in the Classique Collection by a Mattel designer, Cynthia Young. It has lashes and has never been removed from its box. I ask R$350,00 for it.

Barbie Charity Ball for COTA 1997

This doll was produced along with the Toys R Us store to benefit Children's charity COTA, Childrens Organ Transplant Association. It has never been taken out of its box and I ask R$300,00 for it.

Barbie as Daphne - Scooby Doo 2001

This is the doll released along with the 2001 Scoobie Doo movie and it comes along with a stuffed scoobie doo. It was never taken out of its box and I ask R$150,00 for it.

If you want more details, you may contact me through comments or through the e-mail natine.alves@gmail.com

Love Is Old, Love Is New...

2010-06-11T22:55:00.007-03:00

"Ah! dearest love, sweet home of all my fears,
And hopes, and joys, and panting miseries,
Tonight if I may guess, thy beauty wears
A smile of such delight,
As brilliant and as bright.
As when with ravished, aching, vassal eyes,
Lost in a soft amaze
I gaze, I gaze"

- John Keats, To Fanny

Lightness

2010-06-03T20:30:00.002-03:00

“No fim tu hás de ver que as coisas mais leves são as únicas
que o vento não conseguiu levar:
um estribilho antigo
um carinho no momento preciso
o folhear de um livro de poemas
o cheiro que tinha um dia o próprio vento…”

- Mário Quintana

Let Your Caged Bird Fly

2010-06-01T00:18:00.001-03:00

“Morre lentamente quem não viaja, quem não lê, quem não ouve música, quem não encontra graça em si mesmo. Morre lentamente quem destrói o seu amor-próprio, quem não se deixa ajudar. Morre lentamente quem se transforma em escravo do hábito, repetindo todos os dias os mesmos trajetos, quem não muda de marca, não se arrisca a vestir uma nova cor ou não conversa com quem não conhece. Morre lentamente quem faz da televisão o seu guru. Morre lentamente quem evita uma paixão, quem prefere o negro sobre o branco e os pontos sobre os “is” em detrimento de um redemoinho de emoções justamente as que resgatam o brilho dos olhos, sorrisos dos bocejos, corações aos tropeços e sentimentos. Morre lentamente quem não vira a mesa quando está infeliz, quem não arrisca o certo pelo incerto para ir atrás de um sonho, quem não se permite pelo menos uma vez na vida fugir dos conselhos sensatos. Morre lentamente, quem passa os dias queixando-se da sua má sorte ou da chuva incessante. Morre lentamente, quem abandona um projeto antes de iniciá-lo, não pergunta sobre um assunto que desconhece ou não responde quando lhe indagam sobre algo que sabe. Evitemos a morte em doses suaves, recordando sempre que estar vivo exige um esforço muito maior que o simples fato de respirar. Somente a perseverança fará com que conquistemos um estágio esplêndido de felicidade.”

— Pablo Neruda

Listening to the album Nine Lives, by Aerosmith!

It's All The Same to Me

2010-05-20T00:22:00.007-03:00

Oh dear blog, how I have forsaken you. And I'll be honest from the start, perhaps today is not the best of days for a written post. The thing is: it was a very long and stressfull day and my daily share of patience has long been used to its very end. I'm annoyed with people in general, but in truthness, with selfish, stupid, ordinary people who just want to point at everyone else's mistakes so that no one notices their very own faults, which are many, by the way.
When I'm around people like that, I feel ashemed to belong to the human race.

Anyway...
I've been meaning to tell you, readers, that I finally got my driving license this month and that I'm working on the papers to get my passport as well. I cannot leave soon enough.
As I have shared over at tumblr, where I feel there is more privacy to my life (seriously, I have this habit of googling myself to see how a stalker could find me, and I always get scared as hell of how easy it is to find me! but I digress...) So, as I've posted over there, this place I live in , these streets and houses I pass by and that seem so familiar to me really just bring to the surface a constant flow of memories of people and times that have long gone away and the whole thing just breakes my heart. It would be lovely to get a "fresh start" of sorts somewhere else. I wonder if anyone ever feels like this too.

I also promise to come back later with a better post about interior design and share my latest art intervention on my bedroom walls.
Hugs and kisses to my readers (except men - I'm mad at you all)

listening to - "It's All The Same To Me" by Anya Marina

That's Irrelephant

2010-05-06T01:22:00.000-03:00

Let It Be

2010-05-01T12:43:00.001-03:00

“At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.”

It Is Ours To Carry It Forward

2010-04-27T23:45:00.003-03:00

To think that in 4 months time I might be already gone, starting a new life... it makes me so glad and hopefull. It also makes me careful to enjoy the here and now while it lasts... God only knows when I'll experience what I have now again, if I ever will.

A Lady

2010-04-27T01:30:00.001-03:00

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

2010-04-21T14:26:00.019-03:00

When it all becomes too much, you can always return home and shelter yourself from the outside world. I would be nothing without a home, my home.

Images from tumblr: micasaessucasa; tatielle; sweethomestyle; mahmah; artpixie; stitchesandpurls; misswallflower and architectureblog.

Black Star

2010-04-18T21:22:00.001-03:00

Black Star
I get home from work and you’re still standing in your dressing gown
Well what am I to do?
I know all the things around your head and what they do to you
What are we coming to?
What are we gonna do?

Blame it on the black star
Blame it on the falling sky
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home

The troubled words of a troubled mind I try to understand what is eating you
I try to stay awake but its 58 hours since that I last slept with you
What are we coming to?
I just don’t know anymore

Blame it on the black star
Blame it on the falling sky
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home

I get on the train and I just stand about now that I don’t think of you
I keep falling over I keep passing out when I see a face like you
What am I coming to?
I’m gonna melt down

Blame it on the black star
Blame it on the falling sky
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home
This is killing me
This is killing me

Radiohead, The Bends.

Because this song is part of my youth forever and because these words make sense now while I wonder about your feelings and everything you must be going through, at the same time wishing I was brave enough to tell you that I do more than care, I’m almost certain I love you and I want you and it would be lovely to be by your side more often. Or maybe you could be brave and tell me. But we just never do, do we?

Love and Communication

2010-04-11T22:49:00.005-03:00

It's time for a life update!
My life, of course... this a completely self-centered post, so if you have no interest whatsoever in my life, this is the moment to scroll down to other posts. I won't tell you to leave the blog, no, I'd rather you read my posts. My posts. Mine.
See? I told you it was self-centered...
Anyway, jokes aside, it's been a while since I ramble about what's been happening in real life and I think it's time to register everything down here, so I can read it in the future and remember things I would have otherwise forgotten. Everytime I take the time to read my old posts I realize how much I can forget about my own life.
I've been posting in a much slower pace since the beggining of March because I'm working now at an English school downtown. All I can say about my job here is that I love it very much because it's quite simple, easy to do, I have great hours, my co-workers are very nice people, I'm surrounded by english, books and such and I have a more than fair payment check hitting my bank account every month. Oh, I also have health insurance now. So all's great in that department.
I have by no means given up on interior design, I just want to stress this out before anyone might think otherwise. I love design, I love art and my dream is still to study and work with set design/scenography in the future.
However now it's neither the time nor the place for that.
What else?
I'm learning to drive. Yes. The day has come. At first I was a bit frightened with having to control pedals, shifts, the wheel and the general direction of the car all at once. But now things are getting easier. Tomorrow is my 10th class. Last Thursday I even came back home driving! So that's that. I'll be taking a practical test at the end of the month and if I pass it, I'll get my permit!
Plans to live and study abroad are still up, still waiting for some things I have to do, getting my driver's license being one of them. Next on the list, getting my passport and saving more money. But I can hardly contain my excitment to travel, I'll assure you.
Here at home things are well, just as always. My grandma is doing well, my pets, everyone. I have made some new friends at work. My regular friends are always around although we're all quite busy with our work/study/lives.
The heart is still beating, a bit confused as it's usual, and I don't quite know where I stand right now, if I stand at all, but I hope to figure it out soon. I'm not one to wait too long for answers. Sitting around waiting for people to make decisions has never been my M.O. and I don't think I'll start now. However, this is a special case I believe deserves some special care and patience, at least for a while.
What else?
I'm feeling the urge to paint rise to the surface once again and I think I'll get some new paint and re-start a canvas I had neglected for a few months. Right now it's just a big red nothing. I have another painting I've been working on for a few YEARS now, I do have some shame to admit, but I just can't seem to finish it. I have posted pictures of it before, it's inspired by a Cézanne still-life. How I adore this painting of mine, I just wish I had it in me to finish it... but I can't paint fabric, it just isn't possible. I've tried and tried, it looks terrible. I think I'll have to draw a small version of it and take some classes until I learn how to make fabric seem real, only then will I go back to my still-life.
Yes, I think that's quite a ramble already, don't you? How should I end it? Oh, I know, I have a good quote to share:

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." -Ernest Hemingway

So beautiful and I believe, in some cases, true.

Maybe I'm Just Crazy and Grew Up Too Fast

2010-04-06T23:47:00.002-03:00

I have a fear of rejection
But you wont see it in my projection
Arrogance is my biggest fault
But its the thing I hate most of all
But maybe I'm just crazy and grew up too fast

This is heaven and hell all at once
This is all I got and all I want
but like a lost soul I will wander the globe till this feeling's gone

Sitting in his bedroom scared as hell
Listening to The Libertines on the vinyl player on his shelf
Getting nervous as I leave his door
Drinking quite a lot and then drinking quite a lot more
But maybe I'm just crazy and grew up too fast

This is heaven and hell all at once
This is all I got and all I want
but like a lost soul I will wander the globe till this feeling's gone

Cigarette by candlelight
Became my view of the night
Summertime was my biggest squeeze
So much to do and so many to please
But maybe I'm just crazy and grew up too fast

This is heaven and hell all at once
This is all I got and all I want
but like a lost soul I will wander the globe till this feeling's gone

Laura Marling, Candlelight.

Yes

2010-03-24T13:02:00.001-03:00

"...I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. "

Extract from Ulysses, James Joyce.

So Much, So Few

2010-03-19T13:24:00.000-03:00

...

2010-03-15T01:59:00.000-03:00

Make It Better

2010-03-07T22:03:00.007-03:00

As promised, here are the pictures of the coffee table I renovated:

Trip Around The World

2010-03-06T22:59:00.003-03:00

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I love Alexz Johnson, her work is so good and I just adore it. She's finally releasing her solo album (Voodoo) and this is the video to her first single, "Trip Around The World".

I like it, I like it.

The Truth Is: I Miss You...

2010-03-06T20:50:00.007-03:00

A random pic of Nenê, because she's just soo cute and she just happens to be keeping my lap warm as I blog...

Seems like it's been so long since I last posted here! This last week was a very busy one for me. I had my last driving classes and started at my new job. I was being trained from Tuesday to Friday and today (I work Saturday mornings) was my first day managing the Resource Center all by myself. I don't recall if I told you this, but I'm working at a languages school downtown, in one of my favorite spots in the city. I manage the resource center, which works much like a library/bookstore. There I keep track of the complementary materials, books, videos, texts, cds, audiobooks, magazines, etc. and also place requests for student's course books delivering them once they arrive, an so on. Sometimes I also do other things like explaining the courses to potential students, guiding them to classes, setting the lab up, managing the extra material that will be used in the classroom... you know. It's all quite new to me, but I'm loving it! I get to speak english a lot, especially to the students who are studing portuguese. My co-workers are all very nice, friendly people and have already helped me a lot. What else can I say? I'm happy and feel very lucky!

Last week we celebrated my grandma's 87th birthday, here are some pictures of that day:

And I have also been renovating an old coffee table I bought last year. It was in bad shape. I won't lie to you, it is still pending a little to the side, but I fixed and painted it white, so now it looks so much better. Tomorrow I'll do some decoupage and decorate it with flower patterns and then I'll take some pics to show you guys.
So there it is, my update is done. How was your week? Let me know in the comments.
Beijos, darlings.

Also, on a side note, why are people spamming my comments now? Stop it! No one here cares about your products/sites/random crap. Go spam someone else.

E Sempre Me Encontrará

2010-02-27T15:06:00.002-03:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Dentro da noite que me cobre
negra como as profundezas, de um pólo ao outro,
Agradeço aos deuses, se é que existem,
pela minha alma indômita.

Nas garras ferozes das circunstâncias,
não me encolhi, nem fiz alarde do meu pranto.
Golpeado pelo acaso,
minha cabeça sangra, mas não se curva.

Longe deste lugar de ira e lágrimas
só assoma o horror da sombra;
Ainda assim, a ameaça dos anos
me encontra, e sempre me encontrará, destemido.

Não importa quão estreita seja a porta,
quão profusa em punições seja a lista,
Sou o mestre do meu destino,
Sou o capitão da minha alma.

- William Ernest Henley, Invictus.

Lights Will Guide You Home

2010-02-20T18:54:00.021-02:00

Light colors, flower patterns, a mix of styles and some taste is all it takes to make me happy.

Images from tumblr: micasaessucasa; tatielle; sweethomestyle; mahmah; artpixie; stitchesandpurls; misswallflower and architectureblog.

When My Heart Meets My Mind

2010-02-17T21:56:00.003-02:00

He wants to die in a lake in Geneva,
where the mountains can cover the shape of his nose.
He wants to die where nobody can see him
but the beauty of his death will carry on so
I dont believe him.

He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him
and sometimes with scorn and sometimes I believe him.
And sometimes I'm convinced my friends think I am crazy,
I get scared and call him but he's usually hazy.

At one in the morning the day is not ended,
by two he is scared that sleep is no friend,
and by four he will drink but he cannot feel it,
sleep will not come because sleep does not will it
and I dont believe him.
Morning is mocking me.

I'll wander the streets avoiding them eats
until the ring on my finger slips to the ground.
A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city
the veins of which have broken me down.
And I dont believe him,
morning is mocking me.

Oh the gods that he believes
never fail to amaze me.
He believes in the love of his god of all things,
but I find him wrapped up in all matter of sins.
The drugs that deceive him and the girls that believe him.
I can't control you I dont know you well,
these are the reasons I think that you're ill.
I can't control you I dont know you well,
these are the reasons I think that you're ill.

And since last that we parted and last that I saw him
down by a river, silent and hardened
morning was mocking us.
Blood hit the sky.
I was just happy, my manic and I
He couldn't see me
the sun was in his eyes
and birds were singing to calm us down.
And birds were singing to calm us down.

And I'm sorry young man, I cannot be your friend.
I don't believe in a fairytale end.
I dont keep my head up all of the time.
I find it dull when my heart meets my mind
And I hardly know you I think I can tell,
these are the reasons I think that we're ill.
And I hardly know you I think I can tell,
these are the reasons I think that I'm ill.

And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.
And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me.
My nihilist,
My happy man,
My manic and I have no plans to move on.
The birds are singing to calm us down
The birds are singing to calm us down.

Finally

2010-02-13T19:01:00.005-02:00

In numerology they say that your personal year is different from the universal year. Therefore, your personal year only starts from the moment you complete another birthday. For instance, this year, 2010, the universal year is defined by the number 3, while my personal year is defined by the number 5. Now, this number 5 means a lot of things and I actually have a definition of how my personal year should work out. But that's beside the point, what I'm trying to say here is that my personal year will only start after my birthday, which is in March.
If you believe in numerology or not, I have to say this thing about the personal year and your birthday pretty much always seems to apply to me. Like, this last personal year I have been living since March 2009 is absolute crap. This crappiness results of a number 22, whatever it means, but that also seems to be a very powerfull number, not always inclining towards good things. Amen to that.
On a happy note, this crappy year is very, very close to be done with, and as it couldn't stop happening, things that will make my new personal year great are already set in motion, so that after March, the general crappiness of life decreases to an irrelevant level, allowing me to move on with my plans.
You may think I'm crazy. I wouldn't blame you for that, after all this numerology ramble. But I have proof to attest, if not to numerology's credibility, at least to the change in my life for the good.
I have already schedueled my driving lessons that will take place between February 18th to march 2nd. After those, I'll have practical lessons and then take the exam to get my license. (About time too, since I'm nearing my 23rd birthday, wouldn't you say?)
Also to contribute with the progress towards a better life, I have now gotten a new job! That's right! You can celebrate with me, take this moment to raise your arms in the air and do an akward little dance while still sitting in your chair. You can deal with people staring at you later.
I am now going to work at an english school downtown, taking care of their resourse center. It's almost a dream job. The hours are great, the job is great, the place is great, etc, etc, etc. So, I'm pretty happy about this too. I start there in March.
It's all coming together to allow me to achieve my dreams, that's how it feels. I'll tell you I got this feeling while walking home the other day and I just couldn't help this big smile in my face. People were looking at me and smiling too, probably wondering what had me so happy.
Now, will you agree with me about my theory? That the new year starts for me this next month? I hope you do. And just to let you know, the number 5 means, at least according to this old numerology book I own, that 2010 shall bring me an unsettling feeling that will push me towards changes, this being a great year to travel, change or do something different. It can be an exciting year, full of diversity, changes and progress.
If that's not a great prospect, I don't know what is.
Anyway... I wanted to post a text I found the other day, but now I wonder if I haven't already written too much. Should I just keep typing or maybe post it later? Ah... decisions, decisions... let me try it.
Ok, I just tried and it looks like a big enough post, but I figure you guys deserve something remotelly interesting to read after all this ramble, so here it goes:

I breathe in and you breathe out, and I've been wishing you well since the day you were born; hoping that you were kissing all the wrong mouths and moving in all the proper directions to get to me, every slight of your hand has moved you closer to me. Every moment you lost someone you loved, every girl you've broken and who has broken you, every lost tooth and skinned knee and long night, every haircut and chest cold, every stranger you spoke to and every stranger that you never got a chance to speak to, every new friend on an airplane, new enemy on the playing field, every broken bone and busted blood vessell, and pair of shaking hands, every sleeping bag, old t-shirt, cliff, mountain and crack in the cement, every leap you took, every chance you missed, every bad morning and every hangover; every fight with your father and every time you made your mother cry, every letter you've received and every prank you've pulled, every prescription filled, and the pills you didn't swallow. All of the places you've seen, the melted snow, the bloody noses, the people you've missed, the religion you lost, the whispers you've uttered, the black eyes, the akward silences, the airplane trails in the sky, the pollution, the paragraphs you spoke, the books you didn't read, the dirty water, the hand-me downs, the times you've been caught, the games of rock paper scissors, the stray hairs, the upset stomachs, the trouble with the fbi, the ink stains, the exposed negatives, the shattered lenses, the long exposures, the stomach in your throat, the moments of skin on skin, the lonely freckles, all of the bad songs, the drunk ex-girlfriends, the indigestion, the dogwood flowers, the bruises, the burns, the blisters, the songs on repeat, the scars on your hands from every mistake you've ever made, have brought you here, to me, to this moment suspended in time. Finally.

So I liked this a lot, but I don't know who wrote it. If you do, let me know.
Bye dears...

Any Other World

2010-02-04T17:07:00.004-02:00

A city coated in snow, a beautiful car, tea and a friendly daisy, a dog/wolf that looks a lot like Heathcliff, because Heath has not been feeling well today at all and a quote by the always controversial Oscar Wilde, who I adore.
Oh, and a title to go with my latest Mika discovery, "Any Other World".

It Kills Me

2010-01-29T14:31:00.003-02:00

R.D.2

Windsor, Vt.

July 19, 1957

Dear Mr. Herbert,

I'll try to tell you what my attitude is to the stage and screening rights of "The Catcher in the Rye". I've sung this tune quite a few times, so if my heart doesn't seem to be in it, try to be tolerant....Firstly, it is possible that one day the rights will be sold. Since there's an ever-looming possibility that I won't die rich, I toy very seriously with the idea of leaving the unsold rights to my wife and daughter as a kind of insurance policy.
It pleases me to no end, though, I might quickly add, to know that I won't have to see the results of the transaction. I keep saying this and nobody seems to agree, but "The Catcher in the Rye" is a very novelistic novel. There are readymade "scenes" - only a fool would deny that - but, for me, the weight of the book is in the narrator's voice, the non-stop peculiarities of it...
Not to mention, God help us all, the immeasurably risky business of using actors. Have you ever seen a child actress sitting crosslegged on a bed and looking right? I'm sure not. And Holden Caulfield himself, in my undoubtedly super-biassed opinion, is essentially unactable. A Sensitive, Intelligent, Talented Young Actor in a Reversible Coat wouldn't be nearly enough. It would take someone with X to bring it off, and no very young man even if he has X quite knows what to do with it. And, I might add, I don't think any director can tell him.
I'll stop there. I'm afraid I can only tell you, to end with, that I feel very firm about all this, if you haven't already guessed.
Thank you, though, for your friendly and highly readable letter. My mail from producers has mostly been hell.

Sincerely,

J.D.Salinger.

Just Remember This

2010-01-26T23:50:00.005-02:00

On the light of certain recent developments in my life, I wanted to come here and share with you some things I believe to be true. I don't wish to explain the nature of the events that make me write this now, other than to tell you guys that I tell this to you from very personal experience, with the best of intentions.
The thing I want to tell you, my friends is that life is precious. It is the only reality we know, it's what we all are going through. What was before we came to this world and what will be of us once we leave it is not for us to worry, since it is not something for us to know at the moment.
But the now, the actions we make, the things we think, the dreams we carry, they are what we should be carefull about. The things we say, the gestures we make, the way we treat those around us, this is all very important.
Don't make the mistake of thinking you have all the answers, that you are better than others and that you can get by on your own. Because all this will be truth only for a while. Sooner or later, you'll need answers you cannot find by yourself, there will be others who are better than you and you'll need other people to help you get by.
So please always take the time to look upon your past and reflect about your actions. Take the time to make amends, correct your faults, better yourself as much as you possibly can, without ever bragging about it.
Don't let yourself be fooled by shimmering things that soon will fade. The things that matter in this life are always the most natural, simple ones. The ones that come for free, that money cannot buy.
Be kind to others not because you wish to be treated with kindness, but because you can be. Because being kind will make you better, no matter what. Give to others all you can give to make their lifes easier, better, because you can do so. If you can lift the weight from someone else's shoulders, do it without knowing what you'll get from it. If by chance you get a smile back, then all the better.
And remember, you'll always make mistakes. The people around you will always make mistakes as well. But it's never too late to turn around, to start again, to take another chance. Never, ever give up. Don't let people around you give up. Sometimes all they need is a little push. If you need a little push as well, remember you can always push yourself up. And change the course of your life, change your heart, change your mind, change your path, change whatever it is that needs to be changed in order for you to correct your mistakes and go on with life.
Don't ever let the circunstances defeat you. Ever. This is it, this is your life, this is all you get here, and the decision to be happy is in your hands, just make it happen.Make the decision to be happy over and over again, every single day of your life. Don't be afraid of stumbling and falling along the way. A few bruises and cuts are necessary to make you understand what is pain and what it's like to not feel any pain at all. And remember, there will always be someone out there to give you a helping hand.
Love,

Nathalie.

You Should Know

2010-01-24T22:12:00.002-02:00

I'd Call Myself So Very Lucky...

2010-01-20T18:39:00.003-02:00

... just to have some company

I tried to upload a song to go with this post... I tried each and every way I thought possible, but the internet was against me. So if you can, try to listen to Harry Nielssen's "The Puppy Song" while viewing this.

You Make Me Wanna...

2010-01-18T17:15:00.004-02:00

Well hello lovely people who read this blog, thank you for all the comments in the last post. I do love to blog and I need this place to vent out either someone joins me, or not, so I'll always post, no matter how many comments I get. But of course, it feels great to hear what you have to say back and to know I'm not alone here.
Life has been going smoothly, for the most part, so far. I have been working on my translations and spending time with my mom while she is on school vacation (she's a teacher). It's nice to sit at the table and have long conversations after breakfast with her, about pretty much anything. I have introduced her to the world of True Blood, so at night we watch some episodes and laugh about all the crazyness that is that show. And, Jason, of course.
She's also writing a new book and I get to read it as she puts it down to paper and then discuss it with her, which is quite nice, like having your own personal author to discuss books with. I've always wanted to do that with Anne Rice or J.K.Rowling (a girl can dream) and now I can have something similar with my mom.
My latest discovery has been free television through the internet and so I spent last night watching the Golden Globe's live from NBC. I also watched the end of a hokey game between Detroid and Chicago (Chicago won, btw). I wish I could say it was exciting, but considering I know nothing about hockey and I could barely see the flat disk they use as a ball (sports blasphemy!), I really didn't care too much about that.
What else? I created another blog, (pause where I ask you to please not call me any names and just take a deep breath and carry on reading, thanks)where I'll write all about my jorney to become an au pair in 2010. Yeah, darlings, I'm finally doing it. If all goes accordingly to plan, I'll be going to the USA around July of this year to work and study. Please cross your fingers for me.
So if you wish to follow that, here's the link to the blog: Start Spreading The News...
But rest assured that I'll still keep you updated about everything that happens here at Out Of My Mind, since this is my "real" blog...or whatever... you know what I mean (which is: I love you guys more o.0 *shhh*).

I Look For Joy In A Strange Place...

2010-01-08T17:56:00.003-02:00

Just one of those "I should be working now, but instead I'm here, procrastinating" moments... you know?
Nobody seems to have noticed the change in layout, probably because no one visited the blog this past week, but it's fine, I must confess I haven't visited any blogs I follow recently as well.
Instead I've been reading, a lot. I read the 9 Southern Vampire Mysteries books in the past 3 weeks. That's 3 books a week. What can I say? I really wanted to know what would happen. Turns out there are still a few more books to come out in the future, one of them this May. I just have to sit and wait patiently now. (or, more likely, find myself another thing to obcess about)
Other than that I've been tumbling and eating a lot, sometimes visiting the grandma, sometimes visiting friends of the family. oh, and trying to focus and work on my translation job. I'm translating medical books and it's not so bad, but there's definitely a reason why I didn't attend medical school, so, very often I get bored with all the procedures to save lives and escape into the internet... *shame*
Listening to the new Mika album lately... I like "Dr.John" and "Blame it on the Girls".
Ok, enough rambling... I have work to do. Bye dears!

Come Pick Me Up

2010-01-02T21:58:00.005-02:00

Hello There, 2010!

2010-01-01T20:18:00.001-02:00

The thing I like most about New Year's Eve and the New Year is that, no matter how things turned out in the last 12 months, no matter how much people might have suffered and endured, when I look around me, there is always celebration of the future to come, there is always hope. It never fails to amaze me that people take their time to plan and create different ways to welcome the new year that arrives.To me, that's what's most remarkable about our civiliztion in general, the fact that we never fail to celebrate hope while welcoming a new year. The night between December 31st and Jan 1st is nothing more than a worldwide celebration of hope.

I hope 2010 is brilliant to all of you. May you be free to laugh and choose, may you have health to be able to do the things you love and may you love everything and everyone that passes your way. Happy 2010!

All I Want For Christmas...

2009-12-24T15:35:00.010-02:00

A Christmas card I painted;
Brigadeiros;
Xmas cake baked by my mom;
Ginger cookies I made and that looked ok at first but then just proceeded to fall apart;
Heathcliff kindly offering to pose as Santa's cat;
And my favorite xmas mug.

Happy Holidays everyone!

End Of The Year Meme II

2009-12-23T17:47:00.004-02:00

End of the Year Meme, the 2009 edition
(Following in orange is the answer from last year)

1 - What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I spent a few months without both studing/working, learned how to change diapers and started teaching little kids as a volunteer.
I went to a strip club, dated someone for more than a month, graduated from college, went to a salsa club.

2 - Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not at all, all my plans went completely wrong. Yes, I already have plans for 2010, they are mostly the ones I didn't accomplish this year.
I decided not to make big new years' relsolutions last year, but graduating was one thing I did acomplish. And yes, i'll make some for 2009.

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, not as close as the last year's friends, but still.
yes! A few friends of mine had beautiful babies...

4 - Did anyone close to you die?

Sadly, yes.
no

5 - What countries did you visit?

Once again, none.
none....what a shame

6 - What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A good job, money, maybe a nice boyfriend.
money, a good boyfriend maybe and a big nice couch

7 - What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
August, 2nd. Not in a good way.

december 5th

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving.
graduating

9 - What was your biggest failure?

Ha. Still being where I am.
to not save money for my trip

10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?

No. Healthy as always, thank God.
no...just a few cuts here and there...nothing major

11 - What was the best thing you bought?

A book I gave to my mom.
my laptop!

12 - Whose behaviour merited celebration?

I don't know.
american people who voted

13 - Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Just random people.
my ex-boss and one of my childhood friends

14 - Where did most of your money go?

What money? It went all to pay debts from last year.
that's an exelent question...I wish I knew....

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?

USA! Oh, and True Blood ;)
Canada!

16 - What song/album will always remind you of 2009?

Ryan Adam's "Gold" and KOL's "Only by the Night"
john mayer's "where the light is" and cat power's "the greatest"

17 - Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Sadder happier

Thinner or fatter? Same thinner

Richer or poorer? poorer poorer

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I had worked more, if I had had a nice job.
I wish I had gone out with friends more often, and that I had read more

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?

I wish I had been less unusefull... does that word even exist? Apparently, it does...
I wish I had done less work

20 - How will you be spending Christmas?

With my mom and good friends!
with family and friends

21 - Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Nati, there's no doubt.
probably pams or nati

22 - Did you fall in love in 2009?

If i did, I barely even noticed, so I don't think so.
I don't think so

23 - How many one night stands in this last year?

not one ;)
not one

24 - What was your favourite TV programme?

True Blood and Gossip Girl
instant star and gossip girl

25 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No, hate is bad for you. No hate.
no, no hate for anyone

26 - What was the best book(s) you read?

I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse series... the first 3 ones are pretty good. I also re-read The Catcher in the Rye, and laughed a lot while doing it, such a great book.
didn't read many, but Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows was the best

27 - What was your greatest musical discovery?

Loreena McKennit, although I kind of already knew about her... I just took time to listen to more of her work and loved it. Oh, the same goes for Ryan Adams.
Griffin House and Cat Power

28 - What did you want and get?

A dressing table.
a new computer, a new cell phone, clothes, a new cat

29 - What did you want and not get?

A good job, money, a boyfriend, a coutch (still), to travel... the list goes on and on.
a good job, a couch

30 - What were your favourite films of this year?

Harry Potter 6, The Hangover...
batman, madagascar 2....can't remember any more

31 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went out to clebrate with some friends and familly. We ate pizza. Better than 2008. I turned 22.
sadly, I did nothing, just studied and worked. I turned 21.

32 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Plenty of money?
plenty of money?

33 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Better than ever before, still needing some guidance :) I went red for a couple months and then went back to brown hair.
laid back, confortable and simple clothes. Natural hair color.

34 - What kept you sane?

Friends, family, books, tumblr, this blog, everything I could hold on to.
friends and family

35 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Alexander Skarsgard ;)
don't really know

36 - What political issue stirred you the most?

Still trying to avoid these things as much as possible.
I try my best to avoid such things.

37 - Who did you miss?

Same answer as last year.
my cousin and some friends

38 - Who was the best new person you met?

My co-workers, Leidi, Gil, Sheila, Bene
haven't met many people this year....I guess my friend's bf

39 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Just because you made plans, it doesn't mean things will go as you wished for. You have to be understanding, keep your faith and keep on trying, until you reach your goals. There's always a reason why things are as they are and some lesson to be learned, nothing happens by chance.
you can't hurry love....hahahahha....seriously, all things have their own time, you can't rush life, and the best we do is to accept things we can't change.

40 - Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

"Nothing to do, nowhere to be

a simple little kind of free

nothing to do, no one but me

and that's all I need".

(Perfectly Lonely, John Mayer)
"Cause she gets up in the morning
and she goes to work at 9
catches the same train everytime..."

Live Them

2009-12-17T12:28:00.006-02:00

Love.

Dig It

2009-12-15T18:33:00.000-02:00

Let It Die

2009-12-13T23:28:00.006-02:00

"Let It Die"

Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

...............................................................

I wouldn't say this song applies to everyone, but it applies to you. And me. I've waited for so long, I've waited for you. I saw you come and go and lose yourself in the arms of faceless distractions that served to occupy your time. And I hoped, I waited, I hurt and I occupied myself with faceless distractions until I moved on, until I learned to see things for what they are. The years passed by and left as a gift to me the small wisdom of how wide this earth is and how rich life can be. Things got under a new light, showing me that there is so much more to be discovered out there and to be felt. There was a time when all that universe of possibilities could have been easily forgotten just for the sake of loving you. It can't be forgotten now and I don't see why it would be acceptable for you to expect me to change my heart at this point. I don't understad why now and not then, when I was around.

...............................................................

It's Just That It's Delicate

2009-12-07T16:43:00.003-02:00

Today I met a 19 year old guy and he kept asking me how was it that I was single, because he couldn’t believe I had gone through college and remained single. He said I must have turned a lot of guys down.

While we were stuck in traffic he kept glancing at me when he thought I wasn’t looking and whenever I met his gaze he would smile.

Then, what really made my day is that as we sat alone in a silent waiting room, he looked at me and said: “You’re so delicate.”

I just smiled, I didn’t know what to say.

Made my day.

I'm Ready, I'm Ready...

2009-12-06T22:05:00.004-02:00

Second image is of Ripley, Michigan. I'm not sure about the other ones. All from tumblr.
Listening to Talk Show Host, by Radiohead and thinking about Romeo smoking his cigarette on Verona beach...

It Won't Be Long

2009-12-04T20:16:00.007-02:00

Today has been a very busy day! Lots of new information coming to me from everywhere.
Anyway, I promised myself I would post here today, so here I am (the one that you love, asking for another chance... ) Sorry about that, I just could't help myself.
have you looked to your right yet? Have you seen my NaNoWriMo status? No? Well, darlings, take a look where it says WINNER, because I won it!

Yeah, I feel very glad at myself. Although my story isn't finished yet, most of it is already done and just waiting for me to go over it and make it better. However, I will take a break from it for a while, I'm not sure how much time it will take me to go back, but anyway, I don't have anything else to say on that matter, so this sentence ends here.
I have pictures from my dressing table to show you, as promised before, so here it is:

On other news, Christmas is coming! I love the holiday season and I couldn't be happier to see this crappy year go. I'll probably go back to last year's new year's meme that I posted here on the blog and re-do it, just so I can compare 2008 and 09.
Is anyone else glad that this year is ending?

ps: Spent the day listening to "With the Beatles", couldn't ask for much more, now could I?

Call Me A Safe Bet...

2009-11-28T23:50:00.003-02:00

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
You can find out what you want. I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad, we’ll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I’ll grow old and start acting my age.
I’ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold. A heart that’s harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it’s missed when it’s gone.
Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not.
I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I’ll move out of the state.
You can keep to yourself. I’ll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad, I’ll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It’s cold as a tomb, and it’s dark in your room,
when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.
So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution.
You just wanted to be missed.
Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not.
I’m glad that you can forgive.
I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget…
You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke.
You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins.
Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not.
I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

Lyrics to Brand New's song, The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
I found this on Tumblr and I had never hear the song before, but i found the lyrics very beautiful.
Also, I'm writing quite a heartbraking sequence on my novel and this felt apropriate.

Love Actually IS All Around

2009-11-25T21:16:00.002-02:00

And All That I Write Is

2009-11-23T23:28:00.003-02:00

Meme to end all Memes - Because memes are silly, but I've been writing all day and my creativity is gone.

10 things you want for Christmas:

1- Plane tickets.
2- Suitcases
3- Purple-ish Converse sneakers
4- High-wasted black skirt
5- A video camera
6- Sookie Stackhouse books
7- Wireless Internet
8- Harry Potter HBP DVD
9- A new Laptop
10- Alexander Skarsgard

9 musicians/bands you love (no order):

1- Franz Ferdinand
2- Coldplay
3- John Mayer
4- Jack Johnson
5- Damien Rice
6- Alanis Morissette
7- Kings of Leon
8- Skank
9- Ryan Adams

8 things you do everyday:

1- Tumblr
2- Listen to Music
3- Sleep
4- Take a shower
5- Feed my cats
6- Read
7- Eat
8- Spend hours online

7 things you enjoy:

1- Reading
2- Blogging
3- Listening to Music
4- Chocolat
5- Watching movies
6- Watching TV series
7- Surfing the Web

6 things that will always win your heart:

Cats
Pretty eyes
Scruff
Pretty smiles
Nice hands
Kindness

5 favourites:

Movie: Romeo+Juliet (1996)
song: Gray Room, Damien Rice
book: Harry Potter
band: Franz?
season: Fall/Spring

4 smells you enjoy:

Books
Mom (yes, mom!)
Rain
Clean clothes

3 places you want to go:

EUA
Italy
France

2 holidays you love:

Halloween
Christmas

1 person you’d marry on the spot:

I wouldn't marry anyone like that, but just to pick one, Alexander Skarsgard :D