A não ser...

And then I lost I

Estou relendo Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close do Jonathan Safran Foer e assim como acontece com The Catcher in the Rye, a cada leitura gosto mais dessa obra, encontro mais elementos interessantes no texto, mais humor, mais sentimentos pesados... é um texto lindo, do começo ao fim. Deixo aqui um dos trechos que mais gosto:



"WHY I'M NOT WHERE YOU ARE 5/21/63

To my unborn child: I haven't always been silent, I used to talk and talk and talk and talk, I couldn't keep my mouth shut, the silence overtook me like a cancer (...) I went to a tattoo parlor and had YES writen onto the palm of my left hand, and NO onto my right palm, what can I say, it hasn't made life wonderful, it's made life possible, when I rub my hands against each other in the middle of winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO, when I clap my hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and NO, I signify "book" by peeling open my clapped hands, every book, for me, is the balance of YES and NO, even this one, my last one, especially this one.
Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it. "I" was the last word I was able to speak aloud, which is a terrible thing, but there it is (...), and then I lost "I" and my silence was complete."

O livro todo é lindo e segue nessa cadência meio doida em que uma frase leva à outra, sem pausas. São os personagens que pensam como nós pensamos, sem intervalos, um pensamento leva à outro. Há também no livro o personagem Oskar, o garoto que narra a maior parte do livro. Sua fala também é linda, e bastante real para um garoto de nove anos, mas nem por isso boba, muito pelo contrário.
Enfim, acho um trabalho fantástico. Agora me pergunto se devo assistir ao filme ou não... já vi o trailer mas não sei se vou me arrepender por assistir...rs, não me decidi ainda.

Falling in Love Again...

Why, oh WHY Lord, do I always have to fall for those who are almost impossible to reach?

No turning back now, it's already done.

Not sure how I'll ever be able to get myself out of this one, perhaps I won't... perhaps I'll just dive head first into it.

Given the parts involved, I'm sure it would be epic.


“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them.”
— George Eliot

Let's Face the Music and Dance

“In mature love, we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don’t blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods.”
— Christine Meinecke, author of Everybody Marries the Wrong Person




First post of the year! And although this is not my favorite subject to approach here at the blog, I do agree with Ms. Christine Meinecke. You have to be really aware of what your expectations are, and of what reality really is, when in a relationship, in order for it to work. And that means, your partner should be on the same page as well. And do not read this as pessimism from my part, but for two people who are on that same level of personal understanding to meet, fall in love and have a relationship is something extremely rare. I guess most of the time we are really just looking for that and having relationships with people who aren't really right for us. But the point is that we keep trying. And trying is also very fun and worthwhile ;) Either it works or not, we are in no way wasting time.
And just because a relationship isn't right, it doesn't mean the love wasn't real.

So, with that on mind, let's (I know I am) celebrate past relationships, be thankful that we were wise enough to get past them, and look forward to our next findings... and may all of you find what you're looking for ;)

Have a great 2012, enjoy it, live it, be happy.

Time Never Waits

Porque 2011 está quase chegando ao fim. Porque esse ano mudou a minha vida para sempre.

Sempre faço uma retrospectiva do ano que passou aqui no blog. Respondendo à perguntas simples, deixo registrado um pouco do que fiz, das coisas pelas quais passei, pelas quais lutei. O que consegui ou não.
Mas o que foi 2011? Foi surreal. Foi como 10 anos, foi como 10 segundos. Foi intolerável, foi extasiante. Foi tudo que eu sempre quis e tão oposto a tudo que eu sempre desejei. Descobri muito mais do que supunha que viria a descobrir. Fui embora, voltei. Vivi tanto. Viajei tanto. Estive em tantos lugares novos. Senti tanta saudade. Amei. Perdi. Descobri um amor maior ainda. Perdi ainda mais. Conquistei objetivos, segui meus sonhos, me decepcionei com todos eles. Não sucumbi, não desisti. Sacudi a poeira e avistei novos horizontes. Fui em busca deles.

Não direi se me arrependi ou não de algo ou de tudo. Eu vivi. Não importa o que aconteceu, aprendi e segui adiante.
Estou aqui, com uma nova vida, novos sonhos, carrego dentro de mim todo o amor que descobri, toda a felicidade que conheci. Vou em busca de mais.

2011 foi surpreendente em todas as formas possíveis, mudou minha vida, me fez crescer. Sou grata por tudo. E mal posso esperar por 2012 e tudo que ainda me surpreenderá nessa vida.

Deixo vocês com as respostas do meme de fim de ano aqui do blog, à titulo de curiosidade e (porque não?), tradição:


End of the Year Meme, the 2011 edition

1 - What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Traveled abroad.

2 - Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not sure I had a goal, but I sure did all I had planned to do back in 2010.

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Lininha!!!

4 - Did anyone close to you die?
No :)

5 - What countries did you visit?
USA

6 - What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Good health.

7 - What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory?
October 9th

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving and carrying on.

9 - What was your biggest failure?
In a way, communication.

10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?
Boy, did I ever...

11 - What was the best thing you bought?
My iPod! And makeup 0.0

12 - Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My mom's. She endured a lot.

13 - Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Some friends, but really, it's not as bad as the question makes it sound.

14 - Where did most of your money go?
Traveling and food.

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Love.

16 - What song/album will always remind you of 2011?
Adele's 21 album and "Down by the Water" by The Decemberists and "Windows Are Rolled Down" by Amos Lee.

17 - Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier

Thinner or fatter? Fatter (not much though)

Richer or poorer? Richer


18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?
Had peace of mind.

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cared.

20 - How will you be spending Christmas?
I'll be home, close to my family and friends, there's nothing more I could wish for.

21 - Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Probably a tie between helen and Cole.

22 - Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes.


23 - What was your favourite TV programme?
Vampire Diaries.

25 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not at all.

26 - What was the best book(s) you read?
Read 3, "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice, "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by JSF and "One Day" by David Nicholls. I like them all the same, even though they are very different.

27 - What was your greatest musical discovery?
Kings of Convenience, Adele, Stateless.

28 - What did you want and get?
To travel, makeup, iPod.

29 - What did you want and not get?
My health back.

30 - What were your favourite films of this year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 2 and One Day.

31 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to Malloney's with 60% of the aupairs in Denver, and some friends, got slightly drunk and had some fun.

32 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Peace of mind.

33 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Simple, most of the time all I wanted was to be warm enough.

34 - What kept you sane?
My mom, my friends.

35 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ian Somerhalder ;)


36 - What political issue stirred you the most?
Belo Monte? I don't know, I didn't care much about politics this past year...

37 - Who did you miss?
Really, who didn't I miss? Everyone, so, so much.

38 - Who was the best new person you met?
Helen

39 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Things change without asking for you permission or giving you a warning sign. If you're lucky enough to have people standing by you when everything turns bad, hold on to them and never let go. Also, certain things won't wait for you to get your shit together and come back home, by the time you do, you'll aready have lost them. And you just have to deal with that.

40 - Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?


"Look up, child
The world is born
Shoe's untied
And your soles are worn

Windows are rolled down
Sun is setting high
Windows are rolled down
I'm fixing to die

Corn rows have companion feel
This rocky road and this steering wheel
Who do you call to ease your pain?
I hope for you to get through this rain

Windows are rolled down
Moon is hanging low
Windows are rolled down
Think it's time for me to go, hey

Is it what you dreamed it'd be?
Are you locked up in this fantasy?
Oh, this miles that have torn us apart
My new found faith and my broken heart

Windows are rolled down
Sun is rising high
Windows are rolled down
Feel that wind rushing by, hey

Windows are rolled down"


-----------

:)

But Sometimes, You Get What You Need...

Love is not love...

Soneto 116 Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. De almas sinceras a união sincera Nada há que impeça. Amor não é amor Se quando encontra obstáculos se altera Ou se vacila ao mínimo temor. Amor é um marco eterno, dominante, Que encara a tempestade com bravura; È astro que norteia a vela errante Cujo valor se ignora, lá na altura. Amor não teme o tempo, muito embora Seu alfanje não poupe a mocidade; Amor não se transforma de hora em hora, Antes se afirma, para a eternidade. Se isto é falso, e que é falso alguém provou, Eu não sou poeta, e ninguém nunca amou.

What a shame, for I dearly love to laugh...

Well... it seems it's too late now.

What a shame. To carry on supressing such beautiful feelings...

Acho que sou do tipo de pessoa que demora muito pra se tocar do que sente. Do tipo que vai gostando, pensando, se envolvendo e só se toca que ama quando muito tempo se passou. Geralmente até lá já se passaram as oportunidades também.

Daí fico com todo aquele sentimento bonito, todo aquele carinho dentro de mim e sem ter como demonstrar, sem ter como entregar, como dar, fazer sentir. Fica tudo sem razão de ser, tudo inútil, parado. Não tem como jogar fora, não tem como reciclar, só ocupa espaço e vai corroendo de leve por dentro, aos poucos. E dói, é claro. Tem que doer mesmo.

Mas não tem concerto. Não tem jeito. Tem que deixar doer e ir deixando de lado conforme for possível, ir em frente focando em todo o mais que não o sentimento...

Felizmente nisso sou boa. Deve ser a prática. Seria engraçado, não fosse trágico, mas é o que é. Sei deixar os sentimentos lá dentro e ir focando no resto todo. Sei ignorar os sentimentos até o dia em que vão parecer tão pequenos que mal vou prestar atenção à eles. Até o dia que outros sentimentos me pareçam tão ou maiores que. Pode acontecer. Já aconteceu.

Acho que a unica diferença dessa vez é a maturidade que antes não tinha. As coisas são vistas por outros olhos. Há mais possibilidades. Há o conhecimento de que outros braços, outros beijos, outros corpos podem ajudar a esquecer as vezes. As vezes também vão fazer a ferida abrir, mas com um pouco de tempo e insistência, ajudam sim. Sempre vai ter um outro alguém que despertará sentimentos de carinho e afeto em você. Não importa a intensidade deles, pouco já é suficiente.

Porque quando tudo está perdido mesmo, não é sábio ficar se ferindo ainda mais, se lamentando, se entristecendo, esquecendo de viver a vida. Não dá. Pelo menos não pra mim.

Vou esquecer de vez? Não, claro que não. Nem vou deixar de amar. Amor não tem fim. Mas vou viver e vou amar outras vezes. Não vou me impedir, não vou me privar.

_Nathalie Alves

Favor não "roubar" o texto, é pessoal. Se quiser copiar, dê o crédito pelo menos.

Just Like a Dream...

This Installation by artist Regine Ramseier is composed by more than 2000 hand-picked dandelions. It looks like it came out of a dream. Beautiful!

And possibly I like the thrill